Mammograms!!!!

DISCLAIMER- I will be talking about my breasts in this Blog =)

If you have had a mammogram you will understand where this blog is coming from. If you have not, this will be insight to one.

Mammograms save lives everyday. That is a fact. It does not mean that they are enjoyable by any means. This morning I went in for a mammagram/ultrasound that my doctor wanted me to have due to some concerns she was having. So going into the office was already little nerve racking.
A very nice nurse(she looked maybe 16) welcomes you in and shows you to the changing area. She tells me to undress from the waist up and to put one of the robes on, opening in the front. She then tells me to put my stuff into a locker and have a seat in the waiting room. This is a conversation she has with every women that comes in after me. Almost like a recording that she must repeat over and over again. You wonder if that ever gets old.

I change and walk into the waiting room filled with other women sitting in their white robes. You are all there for the same reason but no one really says anything to each other. There are small smiles exchanged, but nothing really more then that. Now I was by far the youngest women in there. It seemed like everyone was at least 50 if not 60. And I wondered why each one was there. I wondered if this was just a routine visit or was there something they were there for. I wondered if they wondered why I was there. Being 32, you hope its not something they see everyday.

I sat there as others got called. And watched as others came back. Watching their faces. Looking for any expression that might tell me if they were ok.

A nurse walks in and says " Mrs. Dowd". I still look for my mother-in-law when I hear that. But since I knew she wasn't there, I knew she must mean me. An amazing nurse walks me back to the room where I will be squeezed. She sits me down and explains what will happen and asks me a few questions. She made me feel very safe and secure. Any nerves I had, she took away in that moment.

Its time to get started, so I get up and walk over to this big , white machine. The nurse says we will start with the right side , so i open my robe and expose my right breast. Now not that anyone would want to picture my boobs but just to give you an idea I am a 34A. So not a very busty lady. So this nurse begins to try to squeeze my boob into a machine that my boob is just not big enough to fit into. Her hands very cold. She manages to get it on this little platform and begins to lower this other platform down and squeezes them together. Just when you think she has lowered it as far as she can, she lowers it more. Tells me to take a deep breath and hold it. The platform releases and you are able to breath. We do this several times and then move to the next side. I think to myself that this ladies entire job is to handle other women's breast all day. If my husband would have been there he would have made a joke or asked her questions about different boobs she has seen. But I decided not to go there. I return to the waiting room while the radiologist looks at the films. Most of the time you are done and can get dressed but they always have to check with the doc first.

I sit in the waiting room, sore from what just occurred. The women that were in the waiting with me before I went in were there. Most of them were allowed to get dressed.  My nurse comes back out and lets me know we need more pictures. SERIOUSLY!! I felt right then that something must be wrong. But the nurse tried to tell me that the doctor just needed a few more pictures to make sure everything was ok. This round was more uncomfortable due to the fact I had just been squeezed a few minutes before. We take the last round of pics and she takes me back to the waiting room to wait for my ultrasound. A few minutes later she lets me know that the ultrasound tech will be out shortly to get me. She calls the next person and says "good luck". Now I had been watching and listening to how the nurses said goodbye to everyone, and I didn't like "good luck". What do I need luck for.

As my stomach grew heavier, the ultrasound tech comes and gets me. She takes me to the room and I lay down on a cold table. She lets me know that she will be taking some pics of under my arm and then will be taking some pics of one other spot that the doctor wants. I of course grow concerned and ask her "what spot is that" but she just says another spot and the doc will talk to you. Now this is where I hate techs. Don't say stuff to me if you can't give me more information. She did not need to say anything to me at all but again I lay there , in silence, as she puts jell on me and starts her ultrasound.
She finishes and says she needs to just make sure the pics turned out and leaves me in this room. The doctor returns shortly after(another sign this ain't right) and does a quick exam and then tells me to get dressed.
I get dressed and wait for my results.
I do like that you get your results right away. A nurse will come out and take you into one of two rooms. The room with the door and the room without the door. Now the room with the door reminds me of the room that hospitals take you in when they tell you that your loved one has died. So as I sit and wait, this women tries to strike up a conversation with me. Now I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to fake smile or pretend to laugh. I see her lips moving but I don't hear her words.

My name is called and I am escorted into the room with a door. I stop at the door and tell the nurse" I do not want to go into this room, I will take that one"(i point to the room without a door). She looks at me a little funny and says this will give us more privacy. I don't want privacy, I want to go home.
She closed the door and takes a seat. She starts by telling me the right side looks great. They always start with the good news first. She lets me know the left side doesn't look so great. There were some findings and tells me I need to see my Breast Surgeon.She tries to tell me that she can't tell me if its good or bad but that this is the next step. After that i hear nothing else she says. She calls to get me an appointment with the surgeon and sends me on my way. She wishes me good luck. There is that good luck again. I wanted to tell her that I didn't want her luck but I refrained myself. It wasn't her fault.

I wish I could be there for each and every women who leaves that office unsure of what the future holds for them. I am not sure exactly what I would say to them but I do believe it would help.

Now I feel like I have hit my wall. I pretty much know how this goes from here. What will come next, time will only tell.

I try to find strength from within. I try to smile as much as I can. Its hard when you don't know what is ahead of you. The waiting is the worst part. That's worse to me then anything they can tell me.

But until then, I will smile as much as I can , laugh as hard as I can and love with all my heart.

I will say that this has helped me in more ways then I thought!!!
I remember that I am blessed beyond belief!!!!