Waiting!!!!

I hate waiting. Even whens it's not something life changing, I still hate waiting.

I am not  a fan of long lines. And to be honest, I don't care for the short ones either. I guess that means I am not a very patient person. I try to be but I am thinking that isn't going to change anytime soon.

Waiting just gives you more time to think. Thinking is not always a good thing. Waiting gives you time to research what is being said to you. Its gives you time to " Google it". And that is never a good thing. Google can scare the shit right out of you. Now I am not saying that Google has not helped before but I will confess I have diagnosed myself one to many times using Google. The doctors even tell me "don't go home and google this". But how can one wait. You want as much information as you can possibly get. You don't always think of every question when you sitting there, but that's what Google is for .

It's like waiting in line for a roller coaster. You watch it go by a hundred times. You get more and more scared as you watch it. You listen to the screams and you watch the faces of the people before you.  You know you are either going to love this ride or hate it. You still have time to turn around. But you put on the smile(sometimes) and you get in your seat and buckle up for the ride.

Wait and See..  There is a song by Brandon Heath called wait and see.

I was born in Tennessee, late July humidity,
Doctors said I was lucky to be alive
I've been troubled since the day that I got here,
Troubled to the day I disappear
That'll be the day that I finally get it right

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans HE's made for me
I have to wait and see,
HE's not finished with me yet,
HE's not finished with me yet

I never really was that good in school;
Talked too much, broke the rules
My teachers thought I was a hopeless fool, all right.
I don't know how but I made it through,
It's one of those things you gotta do
I always had a knack for telling the truth.

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans HE's made for me
I have to wait and see,
HE's not finished with me yet,
HE's not finished with me yet

Still wonderin' why I'm here.
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh... HE's up to something,
And the farther out I go,
I've seen enough to know
That I'm not here for nothin'...
He's up to somethin'.

So now's my time to be a man,
Follow my heart as far as I can
No tellin' where I'm ending up tonight
I never slow down (or so it seems),
But singing my heart is one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight.

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans HE's made for me
I have to wait and see,
HE's not finished with me yet,
HE's not finished with me yet
HE's not finished with me yet,
HE's not finished with me yet

GOD, teach me to trust You
Teach me to follow You
Teach me about You
GOD, bless us
GOD, lead us

That song gives me hope and strength. The answers are not always right there when I want them to be. But I am trying to wait and see.

So I play the waiting game. I wait for the doctors to run the test they need to in order to find the right game plan. I wait for my body to build up what it needs to face what they think might be coming. I wait for the pain from test to go away so I do not have a constant reminder of the " what if".

I stop and realize that I this is my life forever, so I will make the best out of it.

Waiting Sucks... But I will try and make the best out of it. I try and teach my children patience. But I do believe they just might have to learn that from their father.