Doctors,Hospitals and Drugs oh My!!

What a way to start the new year off! 

I am hoping that if sickness comes into the house now, it means we are done for the year. Here's hoping at least.

Being sick yourself is hard enough, but having sick kids is even harder. And I hate to say that my kids are taking after me but I think they are taking after me in that they can't do sickness the easy way. They must go to the extreme. Flu is not the flu if you don't end up in the hospital with more issues. A cough is not a cough unless it turns into pneumonia. You don't really have a fever until it hits 103. Almost like they think we wont take them serious until they end up in the hospital!

Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world. It brings so much happiness and joy into my life. Happiness that only a child can bring. It can also be the hardest job in the world. It can take every ounce of energy and emotion out of you and you have no choice but to keep going.

It is never easy to see your child sick but I do remember when my kids were little and they would be sick and would just want to cuddle with me all day. I always wanted them to get better but I never wanted that moment to fully end either. My 9 yr daughter will still cuddle up with me when she is sick but it comes with a little more drama now. My 13 yr old will only hold my hand now when he is sick and that only last  a few minutes.

Our son was in the hospital this last week and it was very hard to see him in that situation. It's hard to see any child in the hospital but its always different with your own. When my daughter was in the hospital this past summer with her broken leg, she would want me to lay with her and tell her its going to be ok. With my son it was hard because hes a 13 yr old boy. Cuddling with mom is not on the top of his list. The fear in his eyes was real and as with any parent, I just wanted to take it away. He is home now and feeling better. He again has an opinion on everything and doesn't want to do anything without a fight so I would say he has fully recovered=)!

My daughter must have been feeling left out because she decided it was her turn to come down with pneumonia. You know its bad when the doctors and pharmacist know you by first name. I almost felt like I should get them a Christmas gift =) !

No matter what age and no matter what sickness it is, as a parent you just want to be able to kiss it and make it all better. And when you can't, its very hard. But I must say that it does make me slow down. It makes me stop and really open my eyes. I hate that it has to take my child getting sick for m to stop but at least something good comes out of it. I am trying to learn to stop and smell the roses before I am forced to.

I can cuddle with my kids when they are not sick.

I can stop everything for the day any day.

I can stop and smell the roses with my kids any day I want.

I just have to remember that.

I hope your family is happy and healthy today and the rest of the year!

A New Year is Here!

Where did 2012 go?

 Seems like just yesterday we were celebrating the end of 2011. 

2012 is not a year that I am sad to see go. Seems like the more people I talk to feel the same way. 2013 has to be better then 2012, right?

Now I should try and be more positive. I shouldn't let all the bad things of 2012 take over the entire year. I am alive. My kids are healthy(finally). My marriage is strong. My family is close. So I try and keep that in my head when I think of 2012. 

I know 2013 will bring a world of change to my life. Change is a part of life. It can be scary. It can be unknown. A new year always brings new doors to open. New chances to take. New adventures to take. 

Change is really what a new years resolution is. Changing something in your life that you want to make better. No matter what it is, it is change.  Change for the better. 

It's time to not give up on life. To look at the good. To take life as it comes and not worry about what you can't control. 

I know that 2013 will not be all sunshine and rainbows, but I do hope for a few less rain clouds!

Happy New Year! Make it Count!

Cancer is everywhere!

Cancer is Everywhere!!!

It's not that I never realized that Cancer is everywhere, but yesterday it really hit me that Cancer is all around us. Different people with different stories and different cancer but they all have the same thing in common, CANCER!

It's not like a cold . You can't feel the symptoms coming on. It's something they can be there for years and you don't even realize it. Sometimes you don't start getting the symptoms until its to late. It can be a lump that you can feel or it can be hidden in your body where only a scan can see it. It's something that no one is ever prepared for. 

Cancer can take the hope right out of your life. But it can also give you hope if you let it. It no longer has to be a death sentence. It no longer has to take over your life. It can make you weak but it can make you stronger then you ever thought you were. 

Cancer is unfair.

Cancer is becoming to common if you ask me. It doesn't get any easier to hear that a loved one has cancer but I think people are hearing it much too often.  

The fight never gets easier but the fight must continue. Age, stage, type, doesn't matter as long as you have the fight in you. The fight will cure anything. 

I do not know a person who has not been affected by cancer in some way and I truly believe that that can change is we all fight together!!!

And it begins!!

The holiday season is officially upon us! 

The hustle and bustle begins!

As our family started to put up our holiday decorations, I wondered where the year went. Wasn't I just putting Christmas away and not we are putting it up again. 

It has been an eventful year to say the least. But it has been an amazing year as well. 

Our family gathered around the table for Thanksgiving and as we sat and ate out feast, I couldn't help but feel my heart smile. And not just because I didn't ruin the turkey=). But because I don' know if I have ever been more thankful for my family then I am this year. Every year I am thankful but life events just make you really appreciate what you have and that you should never take it for granted.

Some loved ones were not able to join us this year. I think the Holidays always make you think who is with us and who is no longer with us. And as you smile and love the family that is around you, you can't help but feel that sadness in your heart for those not sitting at the table with you. 

There is so much to be thankful for. The list could go on and on. I think this year I am trying to not take that for granted. Life can change in an instant. One minute you can be laughing and the next you can be crying. And not crying because you are laughing to hard.  

Sometimes something happens that changes your life forever. Some just for a short time but they still alter your life in some way. My life has been full of life changing instances . Each one different but in some way the same. They all put me on the path that I guess I am supposed to be on. It's like the saying " everything happens for a reason". I do believe that everything in my life has happened for reason. And I am learning to be thankful for my struggles. The struggles that make us the people we are. 

There have been many changes in our lives this year. Maybe this year is no different then other years. Maybe every year has many changes but I guess I am just seeing all of them this year. Or I am facing them head on instead of running from them. Changes that I know make me an even stronger person then I thought I was. 

As this Holiday Season begins and the craziness continues, I hope that I can keep the perspective of what the holidays are really about. I also hope to just be able to keep my head on my body=)

I want to sit by the fire with my kids. Bake cookies. Play games. Laugh. Cry from laughing to hard. I want to spend time with family and friends. I want to not get so stressed about having everything done that I running around like a crazy women. 

I hope that everyone can take the time and really look at what is really important. Because you want to be able to celebrate that before its too late. 

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy Holiday Season!!!

I'm Gonna Love You Through it

Sometimes a song or a show that I am watching will make me cry. Not that it takes me much to cry but it's usually because it touches me in some way. It might have nothing to do with me or anything that I am going through or it might make me wonder if they wrote that particular song or show just for me.  It's like looking at your life from the outside.

I have been through many things in my life and the one thing that is always constant is my family.

My family has had to endure many things because of me. There were times when I tried as hard as I could to push them away but somehow they stuck with me.

Besides just being the typical pain in the ass teenager, life decided to throw Cancer into the mix as well. I don't think I ever fully appreciated what my parents did for me until I became a parent myself. I think I felt some of what they felt when Hailey broke her leg and went into surgery but I am sure it did not compare to a child with Cancer.

My parents divorced when I was little and my mom moved up north and my dad stayed south. My sister and I lived with my mom and saw my dad as much as we could. I am blessed to have two moms. My dad remarried and a few years in they had my brother. I am not big on the word "step" or "half" when it comes to brothers or parents. Family is family . Blood or no blood they helped mold me into the person I am today.

Since I lived with my mom, my mom obviously got the brunt of me. But I can only imagine what it was like for my family down south.

My dad once said to me in one of my bad teenager moments that " friends may come and go but family is always there".  I don't know if I understood or listened back then but I understand it now.

You have the family that raises you into the person you are today. Our family has great laughs at my teenage years but those teenage years are the years that make me a better person today. And makes me have the advantage of my kids never getting away with anything!

Family just continues to grow. Now I have a family of my own and with that comes my husbands family. Who without them, we would not be where we are today!

I now have my own family and I put them before anything else. We grow together. We walk together. We fight together.

Then there are the friends that are family. Friends who walk with you every step of the way and they can be nothing else but family. They hold your hand and dry your tears. They make you laugh and they make you cry. They are the friends that your family welcomes in as their own.

When a bump comes in the road, its your family and friends that help you through it. You can't do it alone. I have tried and its impossible. I am lucky to have that all over. Whether it be right in my house or a phone call away, I know that my family and friends will get me through it. They haven't given up on me yet and I hope they will continue to hold my hand.

I do believe that everyday is a gift. And that we do not know how many days we have. I do not believe a time frame can be giving on life. No matter what the diagnosis. I would not be here today if it were not for my incredible family and friends.

I can not listen to this song without crying. My husband heard when it first came out and it made him think of us. My husband is an incredible man who gives me strength when I honestly have nothing left.

I thank all my family and friends. I love you all dearly!!



Martina McBride I'm Gonna Love You Through It!

She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives
He said, "I know that you’re afraid and I am, too
But you’ll never be alone, I promise you"

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

She made it through the surgery fine
They said they caught it just in time
But they had to take more than they planned
Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts
To hide what the cancer took from her
But she just wants to feel like a woman again
She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"
He took her in his arms and said "That's what my love is for"

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long
I'll be the rock you lean on
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
I’m gonna love you through it.

 

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Today my Son is my Hero!

I love the moments when you look at your kids and your heart just smiles! 

Now there is nothing my kids could ever do to make me not love them. That's a given. But as with any teenager there are times when you long for the days when they couldn't talk and give you their opinion. 

Today Cameron is my Hero. 

Cameron is a special kid. Him and I are very alike. It is always very entertaining for my husband to watch Cameron and I argue back and forth. He is usually the only one smiling. 

I think we knew that Cameron was going to be a special kind of kid the second we found out I was pregnant with him. Given the fact the I was not supposed to be able to get pregnant and was on the pill. He some how found his way into this world. A pregnancy of bed rest and countless trips to the hospital Cameron Hope Dowd was born at 29 weeks. A tiny 4 lb , skin and bones baby was brought home with us and our world would never be the same. 

Even at a young ripe age of 19, I knew that life would forever be filled with love. 

We have watched him grow into a fine young man. Of course as he gets older its  a little harder to get information out of him and being a boy doesn't make it any easier. If something is bothering Hailey, we hear about it for days. But Cameron you have to pull it out of him. 

Last yr was the first year he ever had to try out for a team sport. Before then, you just signed up and everyone played and if they didn't you always had my big mouth to make sure that they did! 

He loves basketball. Plays it hard and try's with everything he has. 7th grade try-outs did not go as we all had hoped and he was cut on the final day of try-outs. He walked out of that gym with his head held high and the second we got home he asked if he could go play basketball. Now is basket case mother did not take it as well as he did. I cried like a baby. Hailey loves to do a great impression of me crying my eyes out. But it was something I honestly couldn't control. I was not mad that he didn't make it. I didn't think it was unfair. I just hurt for my child in a way I didn't know possible. You don't ever want to see your child hurt. And with Cameron, you knew he wasn't going to sit down and cry it out with me. Hes a boy who just like his father you must pull the feelings out!

Well he continued to play basketball and joined every league he could and did every camp he could over the course of the year. So that when 8th grade try-outs came around he would be ready. 

It was a very proud moment. He never gave up. He knew that there was a chance he would not make the team this year. Most of the players from last year were trying out. But he knew the second he didn't make the 7th grade team that he would try out for the 8th.  He gave every last bit of himself and by golly it paid off. He made the team!!!  And I didn't even have to sleep with the coach (which you know I of course suggested that to my husband). =)

As a parent, you try to instill values into your kids that they will take with them their entire lives. Cameron not making the 7th grade team and making the 8th grade team showed him that if he works hard enough , he can do anything. And I honestly believe that. My kids are my kids so I of course think they are special. But Cameron made me look at life differently too.  We can sit around a cry and bitch  about anything and everything or we can dry the tears and get up and do something about it!! That is a gift that is priceless to a mother.

I do not know if Cameron will ever know what this has done for me. I think at a time when I needed it the most, my son picked me back up!!

Let the games begin!!!!

Hero

For Breast Cancer Awareness month, a friend of mine is honoring a hero each day on facebook. Today I was her hero.

A hero is defined as a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has preformed a heroic act. A person of distinguished courage or ability.

I have never considered myself to be a hero. That to me is a very high honor. And I am not one to consider to put myself up on a pedestal. But today when I found out that this amazing person had chosen me as one of her hero's I was touched beyond words. To be given that name, even for a day, is an honor that I will take with me always.

I am a survivor. That I know. But I do believe that being a survivor is a job. A job I will happily take.
 I call it a job because it is my job to take what I have learned from Cancer and share it with the world. Or at least with as many people who will listen. If one person can take away something from my story then it makes every bad day worth it.

I have no choice but to fight each and everyday. What else am i supposed to do. Is one supposed to just let cancer take over and win? HELL NO! I believe that cancer gave me strength to live forever. That is a gift that cancer gave to me. Strength to never give up and to continue to fight. What I try to do is look at what good Cancer has brought into my life. It has in a way formed the person I am today and has given me things I did not know possible. Breast Cancer brought Joan into my life and made me her Hero for the day! What better gift is there.

The stories that I heard and the people I met along the way while I was battling Breast Cancer are the only reason I am still here today. The inspiration that filled my heart let my heart continue to beat each and every day. I want my story to inspire others to never give up the fight.

One thing I have learned from Cancer is that every day is a gift. And you can never go back to yesterday. You only have today and if tomorrow comes then that is a gift. A gift that I try very hard to not take advantage of. Leave each day to its fullest. Do I do that every day? NO, but I should.

Life is a journey with many twist and turns and bumps along the way. There is nothing I would take back or ask to change because each day and every scar on my body has made me the Hero that Joan sees.  That is a gift that I will hold in my heart forever.

I don't consider myself a hero because I feel as though I can always do more. I am not doing enough in the fight for Cancer. In the fight for Life. And maybe I think that because until there is no Cancer then no one is doing enough. So I hope that I can be the Hero that Joan sees and make her proud each and every day.

I thank you for making me look at me a different way today. I hope that each and everyone of you will stop and think about who is your hero and how you can become a hero yourself!

Today Cancer gave me a gift! Today I am a HERO!!