That is a question that I am asked every time I run into someone who has heard my story. And It is a question I do not know how to answer.
Today I heard a 13yr old girl who has been fighting cancer now for 6 yrs answer this question. She said that she once heard a fish tell her to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming" ( a reference to Finding Nemo). I had never heard it put that way but I watched this little girl say it with such strength that it was almost like common sense to her.
I mean when you really think about it , what else is there to do but to "just keep swimming"!
When you are hit with an illness or something that changes your life forever, you wonder how on earth you are going to survive. Not just the medical side but the emotional side as well. I have thought many times that it was my stubbornness to not let cancer take over me that got me through it. Some may substitute the word "stubbornness " with "strength" but either one work for me.
When someone hears my story, they hear it in a nutshell. They hear about someone who has had cancer 5 times and has survived. They see strength and that I am still smiling today. What they don't hear is the fear and sadness of what cancer has taken from me. They don't hear about the days when I couldn't get out of bed or the days when even breathing hurt. And I guess that is one of the reasons that I have a hard time answering this question. I don't always see the strength or the positivity. There were to many days of negativity and weakness that come to my mind to see all the other stuff.
Sometimes the people who fall apart in front of me are the ones who give me the strength. Does it mean that you must fall apart to be strong? NO. I just mean that it shows all sides to what is really going on.
I want to show others that you too can be strong and positive when going through hell. But I also want others to know that there is so much more that everyone doesn't see and hear.
My bad days are the days that have given me the strength that I think is what everyone else sees. I do know that I am strong person and I do believe that I can survive anything but I also know that there will be more days to come that will test that strength.
Next time I am asked this question, I am going to say that an amazing 13yr girl told me to "just keep swimming".
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