Recently I saw that Kelly Pickler, country music star, shaved her head because her best friend was undergoing treatment for Breast Cancer. I always thought Kelly Pickler was pretty but I truly look at her now and think she is so very beautiful. It's beauty you only get when you let everyone see your heart. I think she will never really know what that means to her best friend but it will forever change her and the world.
Cancer all by itself sucks. Then not only do you have to deal with the fact that you have cancer but you have to deal with everything that comes with it too. Hair lose, weight lose, weight gain, surgery,drugs, treatment, exhaustion, sadness, fear etc.... It comes with more baggage then one can carry on their own.
I remember when my hair began to fall out this last time I was undergoing treatment. I tried to hide it the best I can. The chances were high that I would not lose it all so there was no need to just shave it to make the process easier. But at times I sure thought about it. It would come out in clumps and I would just try and throw them away before anyone could see. I got my hair cut short so that it would look fuller because it was becoming so thin and I wanted to cover up the bare spots.
I remember this one time in particular when I had just gotten out of the shower and Ryan got in after me. Now I usually do a clean sweep of the shower before I leave because the shower was always the time my hair would come out in clumps. He got in and started to make a fuss about something in the shower. When I opened the shower door and said what , he quickly said "oh nothing, just a bug". I looked and could see that my hair was everywhere. We both pretended that neither one of us saw it but we both knew what was happening. I closed the door and turned in sadness. I do not know what was going through his mind but I can't help but think the same thing.
It was hard for me because Ryan has always expressed that he is a hair guy. Hes a hair and butt guy! My hair was falling out and my ass was shrinking because I was losing so much weight that I felt anything but beautiful and was wondering if he thought it too. He always did such an amazing job of making me feel as though nothing had changed. But we both knew it did. The hair got thinner and the clothes got loser and for the first time in a long time I looked sick. Its one thing to feel sick but to look it too is so much worse.
So now my hair is long again and the clothes fit a little tighter now but I can remember those day like it was yesterday. I can remember wondering if everyone was looking at me and what they thought.
The support that you surround yourself with is the thing that gets you through it. Sure surgery and drugs help, but without the love and support it doesn't matter what drugs they give you or how many times you get cut open.
I believe that you learn what is truly important when Cancer comes into your life or your loved ones life. You realize that the hair will grow back but the time I have with this loved one may not be there forever.
My view on love and friendship has been restored and I am inspired to be there for someone who too may need more then just a hand to hold!!
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