For better, for worse, in sickness and in health.....

I asked Ryan last night if he regretted being married to me because I am such a mess. His response was " when I said for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, I meant it ". Sweet I know. He said he knew what he was getting himself into...

Ryan and I have been married for 11 yrs now. We got married very young. I was 21 and he was 23. When I got pregnant with Cameron(our miracle oops), many people in our family wanted us to get married. If your having a baby, you should get married. Right? Wrong!! Ryan and I did not want to get married just because we were having a baby together. We wanted to get married because we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We loved each other very much and had been through Cancer together already but we still wanted to know for sure before we got married.

So on July 1st 2000, the anniversary of our first date, Ryan proposed to me and I of course said yes. My grandmothers words were "its about time". But we knew we were doing it for us and not just because we had a child together.
On May26th, 2001 Ryan and I became husband and wife surrounded by our almost 2 year son and 200 of our family and friends. A day that I of course had been waiting for my entire life.
Marriage is anything but easy. I don't think I went into thinking it was going to be easy but I know I didn't go into knowing that it would be as hard as it is. Its all completely worth it and I would marry Ryan over and over again, but its a lot of work.

We were young, so obviously we have grown and matured together. I will say that I do think the longer we are married the easier it is. Maybe its because we have been married over a decade and that we sometimes don't even need to talk in order to know what the other is thinking. We know each other inside and out. But I also think I learn more and more about Ryan the longer we are together. I think the love grows deeper and stronger every year even though I don't think you could love someone more.

And are marriage has been anything but easy.  We had 2 kids young. We got married while Ryan was in Law School. We lived with Ryan's family for 5 years. I was on bed rest for both pregnancies. Ryan went to Africa while I was pregnant with Cameron. I got Cancer again and again. Ryan  turned down a big law firm job to be executive director of a homeless shelter. We bought our first house. We lost a child. We bought our second house. My mom moved in. Grandmas pasted away. Money was tight. Time together was scarce. ... And so on...

But each one of those things have made us a better couple. A stronger couple. I look at him and I still get butterflies in my stomach. I know he is my best friend and that I can just be me. The good and the bad. The pretty and the ugly.

I always tell him when we are fighting that he should be worried when I stop complaining that he is never home. If I don't want him here, that's scary to me. Because I want him here always.

When my head hurts, I want him to hold my hand.
When my insides are being torn out of me, I want to see him first when i wake up.
When my heart is breaking, he is my only comfort.

I realize that he probably didn't realize that it would be like this. But I don't know if we would be the couple we are without all of the shit!!

I hope he will always looks at me as beautiful even without all my body parts.

I want to be the 90 yr old couple walking on the beach together, holding each others hands and being more in love then ever before.

I know it will be work and I know it will be tiring but I fight each and every day because I want to grow old with him.