Broken Leg

I have never broken a bone in my body but on Sunday I would have given anything in the world to have a broken leg if it meant that Hailey would not..

Hailey broke her Femur on Sunday. If you didn't know the Femur is the strongest bone in the body. It is a bone that is very hard to break. But my little Hailey managed to break that bone right down the middle. She is all of 57 pounds and just the tiny est thing but her strength and bravery is stronger then any broken leg.

It was Dowd Beach day. We created our own little oasis in the backyard. The kids were jumping on the trampoline and Ryan and I were sitting in our lounge chairs. One minute we were all smiling and the next minute the screaming couldn't stop. Hailey was jumping and must have landed on her leg wrong because the screaming was like something out of a horror movie. We managed to get her into a lounge chair and transported her to the ER like that. Every bump was more and more painful. We did not think she broke it. Maybe pulled a muscle or tore something but we did not expect what we saw and hour later.

The ER tried there best to get her comfortable but there is nothing one can give for fear. Her fear. Our fear. You watch and you just want to take it away. You want to take the pain, the fear , everything away and just go back to how it was an hour earlier.

Within a few hours we were being told she would need a cast and possible surgery. Your heart just breaks and you try and think how in the hell am I going to prepare my 8yr old for surgery. I know how I feel before surgery so I can only imagine what was going through her head.
We get admitted into the hospital and we are told surgery will be in the morning. The nurses are keeping her as comfortable as they can with drugs and trying everything to get her to sleep. Ryan and I are in recliner chairs watching over her and holding her hand as much as we can.

I will admit that I do not recommend googling "broken Femur" at midnight when your daughter is going in for surgery the next day. But I of course could not help it and wanted every ounce of information I could get. I should not have done that... That's all I will say about that =)

We anxiously are awaiting when she will go into surgery. She can not have anything to eat or drink. So after awhile she is starting to get thirsty and hungry. Add that on top of pain from her leg and you have one very unhappy little girl.

The surgeon ends up not coming in til after noon and tells us she will go at 2. Well 2 quickly passes and so does 3 and 4. Finally at 5 she is taken down for surgery. Now I never imagined my child being wheeled down to surgery before. She is scared and I am trying to comfort her but I am so terrified myself that I am not sure how much I helped her. But I hold it together for as long as I can. We only get to go so far. She is begging for me to be in the operating room but there is nothing I can do. I felt helpless and so out of control. The nurses were amazing and they wheeled her off as we were ushered in the opposite direction. We finally get to the waiting area and this mama just lost it. Every emotion caught up with me and the tears could not be stopped. I was terrified. What if something goes wrong? What if there is more damage then they think? What if she doesn't make it? Its a broken leg but of course every TV show I have ever watched was being played in my head and my mind was thinking that people die from broken legs all the time.

3 hour surgery!!! That's right... 3 hours of complete HELL!!!  A few nurses came out during the surgery to let me know that things were going good which helped give me a few seconds of not being scared to death. I don't ever want to be on this side ever again. I mean I would like to not be on either side but this side is so much worse. I finally really know what my family has gone through with me.

The doc finally comes out and she is ok. They put a metal plate in her with 8 screws. She is not even big enough to have 8 screws. Where did they put them?  Surgery went good and the recovery starts.

I can not get to her soon enough.. We are able to be in recovery with her and I have never been so happy to see her before. She looks pale but she is breathing and crying and that is music to my ears.
She just wants something to drink but they have to take it slow so she doesn't get sick. She does not want to wait but finally drifts back to sleep. She is transported back to her room and she begins to wake up.
She has two Popsicles and a cake pop because that is what she was promised and she did not forget. For a second Hailey is back. It might be drugged Hailey but she is there.

First night is anything but fun but we get through and the hard part begins.

To watch your child struggle and not be able to do anything is the worst feeling in the world. I feel like a horrible mother who can do nothing right . But I am also a proud mother. Hailey is truly the most amazing child. Her strength and bravery is something that words can not explain. She is determined.. She is very stubborn.. She is sweet... She is strong...

My goal now is to keep the dark cloud away from her head now. She is such a happy little girl so to see her down like this is very sad. 
But she will recover and it will be hard but its already Friday so we have made it almost 5 days....