The end of a chapter.....

                                             " I am a living statistic

                                                that shows that money

                                                raised for breast cancer

                                                research does something.

                                                 If it was not for the

                                                 different medications and

                                                 studies out there,

                                                 I might not be here

                                                 today to tell me story. "

                                           
 I walked and finished my 9th Susan G Komen 3-day, 60 mile walk last week and it was a weekend filled with laughter, tears, blisters, and memories to last a lifetime. Preparing for the walk never gets easier if you ask me. No matter how many times you have done it in the past, the idea of walking 60 miles in 3 days is never easy to prepare for. Now it doesn't help that my body was not allowing me to really train for this walk but I am not sure even if my body was up for it, if I would have really trained anyways. I don't think there is really any full way to prepare yourself to walk that far in 3 days. Especially if you add some nice rain to the mix too!

Coming into this 9th walk was a little different then years past. I came into this walk knowing(thinking) that this would be my last walk. And anyone who knows me knows what a huge part of my life is dedicated to this walk. What this walk means to me. What this walk has given me and most of all what this walk has helped me heal from. So going into this walk knowing it would be my last was emotional to say the least.

Nothing gets your emotions going better then opening ceremonies. A time when we all come together and realize that we are all here for the very same reason. That we all have a part in this. That we have all been affected by cancer. That we have all given all we can to be here together. It's a time to celebrate those who have beaten cancer. A time to hold the hands of those fighting it. And a time to remember and honor those we have lost. You are surrounded by people just like you who have walked many walks before and then you are also surrounded by people who are out there for the very first time which gives me such great joy and comfort because I know it's ok to let. They will carry on this walk for me.

So off we went walking... Just a small 20 mile walk to get us warmed up for what day 2 had in store for us. RAIN! And we all know how I feel about rain. We got lucky with day 1 that no really rain came our way so it's only logical that day 2 would be filled with rain and a nice breeze to go along with it. Now I would like to tell you that we smile through the rain and we make the best out of it but that would be a big fat lie! We bitch, we cry and we bust ass to get to the end. I always love seeing all the pictures of people walking and smiling and wonder if they are posing or if they really are just that happy in the rain. Now don't get me wrong, we really do laugh along the way and we know that the rain we are walking in is nothing compared to cancer but it still sucks! I always like to tell people that they are allowed to bitch about the small things. Not everything has to be as big as cancer(and I believe I can say that because cancer and I are pretty damn close). We all have something and at mile 10 on day 2, we had rain!

The 3rd day is always the hardest. Not only have you already walked over 40 miles(and that is enough if you ask me) but you know that this walk is coming to an end. And as much as your body hurts and your blisters are popping, you feel a sadness in your heart that is hard to put into words.
But But But...... We had sunshine so that always helps.

                                       

This walk came into my life at a time that I needed it most but didn't really even know it. When I walked my very first walk while undergoing treatment, I did not realize the healing that my body and soul would get from walking 60 miles. And now today I believe that I wouldn't be in the place I am at today without it.

This walk has allowed me to be myself (which is debatable if that's a good thing or a bad thing=)). But in all seriousness it has allowed me to be cancer girl without feeling like cancer girl. It has allowed me to share my story and give hope to those still fighting. It has given me the strength to never give up the fight, It has allowed me to meet some amazing people and build some amazing friendships. It brought Lori and Kim into my life and has built a friendship that I would be lost without. It has allowed me to be a role model for my kids. That no matter what, we will never give up. It has enabled me to raise thousands of dollars for research. Research that I would not be here without. It has allowed me look past the pain, look past the hurt, look past the fear and look towards the future with more hope then ever before.
                                                   


So I end this journey with tears in my eyes but peace in my heart. I believe that it takes an extremely strong person to know when its time to let go. And even though I could push myself to continue this amazing walk, I know and feel that this is my time to end this chapter and move on to the next. This body isn't getting any younger but my fight is stronger then ever before,



I can not thank each and every one of you enough. Many of you have been with me since the very beginning and I could not have done this without you. Your love and support has gotten me through every mile. To my donors, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Not only have your donations allowed me to walk but they have helped with many breakthroughs in the fight against cancer. Thank you. To my friends who have been there every step of the way, thank you. It is impossible to put into words what your support and your love has done for me. I would never make it to the end without you. Thank you <3.  To my amazing family who has traveled near and far to be apart of this journey with me, thank you. Your smiles, love, support, time, signs, letters, and cupcakes are greatly appreciated and I don't know how we would do it without you. Thank you!

So as I end this chapter and start a new one, please know I am stronger then ever before. I will continue to share my story and spread as much hope as I possibly can. This fight is far from over but I know that these last 8 years, 9 walks, 540 miles walked will continue to strengthen me every step of the way.


                        "Without the rain there would be no rainbows!"

" I'm Great! "

      " I am here today, and today I would rather smile than cry."

Friend- "How are you doing/feeling?"
Me- "I'm great!" (smile)

So obviously this is a question that is asked on a daily basis! As it is to everyone I am sure. It's a normal question to ask when you see someone you know. And for me the response is always the same... "I'm great!"

Now of course to say that I am doing great all the time is a very false statement but it doesn't mean that you won't get the same answer from me. And that answer isn't just for you. It is for me too.

There is a coping mechanism that comes with cancer. And it can only really be fully understood by those with cancer but I do believe that when a loved one gets cancer, in a way everyone gets cancer. So I think it is important to know that there is no rule book on how to deal with cancer and there is no right and wrong way to cope with it either. There is just the way that works for you.

I have been dealing with cancer for over 20 years and will hopefully be dealing with it for another 50. Because dealing with it means I'm still here. Once you get cancer, it follows you the rest of your life but it's a small price to pay for a life worth fighting for.

Each and every time I hear another story about someone getting cancer, it feels as if I have been punched in the stomach. It's a feeling that I can relate to but wish I couldn't but am glad I do because maybe, just maybe, I can do a little something to make that person smile.

Now when I'm asked how I am doing, I could tell you the dark side of it. I could tell you that there is not a day that I don't feel tired, or nauseous or that something doesn't hurt. I could tell you all the things I miss doing and eating. I could tell you what an emotional toll it puts on myself and my family. I could tell you how much I hate cancer and hate what it has taken from me. BUT what good is that. It's real, yes! It's the truth, yes! But just in writing those words, I feel worse. And I guarantee you don't feel any better either!

So I would rather be "Great" then any of those things... Because when I hear the words come out of my mouth, I feel better. There is an enormous amount of strength that you get by not letting cancer take over your life. Even when it's doing everything it can on the inside to destroy you, your strength and your hope is more powerful.

There are things I have learned to just deal with. They suck and can be unpleasant and not really fair if you ask me but there is nothing that is going to change that. At least not in the near future. So instead I adjust my sails and live life. I do not let anything stop me from doing what I want and what I love. I don't want to live with limitations. Now I do have to be smart about it (which I'm a little stubborn so that's not always easy) but I have not let 20 years of cancer win yet and I don't plan on letting it ever win!

So I will leave you with this.... Live life. Do not set limitations for yourself. Do what you love and be with those you love. Some times the greatest gift you can give someone is time. Time listening. Time talking. Time in silence. Time doing absolutely nothing but being present. Time just being "great".


          "Through the pain and the struggle, Yeh I still smile."

8 years ago......

                                 "Breast Cancer changes you, and the change can be beautiful."

I can remember the day as if it was yesterday. It was a sunny and cool March day spent cuddled inside on the couch, wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket. I was still in quite a bit of pain from the surgery a few days before and was patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for the doctor to call me back to give me a new pain medicine that would hopefully make me a little more comfortable. So when the phone rang, I could feel my entire body relax knowing that some pain relief was coming my way. Not knowing that this would actually be the phone call that would bring me a pain that I would carry with me the rest of my life.

Now having had cancer a few times before, you would think that maybe it would get easier to hear. At least not knock the wind out of you. But in reality, it is the complete opposite. Hearing "you have cancer"..."again" only gets harder. I remember hanging up the phone and can honestly say I do not even know if I got new pain meds because at that point there was no medicine that was going to take away the pain that I was feeling in that moment. I sat speechless. Numb. I could feel my heart beating in my chest and wondered if it was actually possible for your heart to beat so hard that it just comes right out of your chest. But it was beating and that was comforting to me in that moment.

Breast Cancer hit me hard. It was a personal hard for me. See at that time I had already had a full hysterectomy and was in full menopause (Not fun let me tell you). So the thought that Breast Cancer could take the last of my womanhood was terrifying to me. Now if you ask me now, I would let them take anything and everything they could but I do believe that is something you have to be ready for. And at that time in my life I was not ready. My body had been through hell and back and it was just trying to survive day to day. As was my mind.

Breast Cancer invaded my body but it also lite a fire in me. Two months before I was diagnosed, I had signed up for my first Susan G Komen 3-day, 60 mile walk. I wanted to give back and I wanted to make a difference. At the time, I didn't know why I was so drawn to this particular walk but I learned very quickly why I was. Having finished my first 60 mile walk while undergoing treatment, it only gave me more strength. A strength that has gotten me to where I am today. A strength that has given me a platform to tell my story and touch lives. A strength that I am forever thankful for. A strength that I hope I had without Breast Cancer but a strength that Breast Cancer helped me see..

March 6th, 2008 is a day that I will never forget. But it is also a day that I celebrate how far I have come. Having just gotten off another round of treatment, my body is healing and building strength again. I do not know what the months ahead will hold but what I do know is that it's important to celebrate milestones. It's those milestones that give you the strength to never give up.

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2016/TwinCitiesEvent2016?px=1330784&pg=personal&fr_id=1958

Philadelphia 3 day....

" We walk because we must.

We are strong because the journey demands it.

Together in body and united in spirit,

we lay down our footsteps for this generation and the next.

This is our promise:

A WORLD WITHOUT BREAST CANER."

 

 

A few weeks ago I completed my 8th 3-day 60 mile walk in Philadelphia with my girls. A walk that is never easy to finish but this walk in particular was by far the hardest walk yet.

 

Several thoughts went through my head as I stood there on that cold and rainy Friday morning trying to prepare myself for the journey ahead.

      - I am not as young as I was when I did my first walk at 28...

      - My body has been through a lot in the last few years...

      - The longest walk I did to prepare for this was 8 miles and that was over a month ago...

      - I hate rain... And when I say hate, I mean HATE...

      - This walk needed to relight the fight inside me... and that's a lot of pressure...

      - And of course my biggest thought was will I be able to finish this walk... without killing

         myself that is...

 

This walk is something I look forward to every year. It is a walk that is so near and dear to my heart that I don't know where I would be had I never done one. It is a walk that has healed me in ways that no drug could ever do. It is a walk that has brought out a strength in me I didn't know I had. It is a walk that has brought friendship into my life that I would be lost without. It is a walk that has allowed me to tell my story and give others hope. It is a walk that has given me the will to fight.

 

Its hard enough to start a 60 mile walk but to know that your first 22 miles are going to be in the rain and cold, makes it just a little bit harder. And not just a little sprinkle of rain, I mean a rain that seems to get heavier every mile you take. By the end of that day, we were drenched and cold and unsure if we would be able to do another day. Now for anyone who knows us 3 girls, it would take a whole hell of a lot to get us not to walk. So for us to all be looking at each other, questioning whether or not we could go back at there again tomorrow was scary when I look back at it. Obviously as the night went on and we warmed up and our bodies slowly started to heal from the day(with the help of a quick trip to the medic tent), we knew there was no way we wouldn't be walking the next day.

 

So we did just that. We started day 2 with a light sprinkle and a little bit of rain but no one was complaining because it was 100% better then the day before. We walked 23 miles on Saturday. 23 miles that felt like 100. My body began to ask " what in the hell are you doing?" As the miles got longer and the body started to hurt a little bit more, I questioned whether or not I would be able to finish this walk. Something I do not do often. I am as stubborn as they come and I know that not being able to finish would be very hard for me. Now I totally give credit to those that come out and walk and do what they can and maybe don't walk the entire 60 miles. But for me it is something that gives me strength and reminds me that cancer will not win this fight.

 

By day 3, you are mentally and physically exhausted. Which is hard because day 3 is the day that takes the most out of you. It's the last day. You have already walked 45 miles. Your body is all done. You are wrapping and taping all parts of your body just so you can get to that finish line, 16 miles away. The weather was at least a little nicer. Some wind that could blow you right off the sidewalk but all in all a pretty nice day. Obviously by day 3 we are walking just a tad bit slower but we are walking.

 

Day 3 is always a very emotional day for me. Now I know I am tired and my body has been pushed to it's limits, but it's more then that. It is a day I reflect on all the time. I honestly went into this walk not knowing what to expect. My body was not at it's strongest. I was infused with as many vitamins as the doctors would give me the week before to get my body through this walk. My emotions were all over the place. Having been told a few weeks before the walk that another round of treatment would be in my future is not something that ever gets any easier to hear. It kind of knocks the wind out of you and your will to fight fads. And that is very scary. So the walk could not have come at a better time.

Mile 59 is my favorite mile and the mile I hate the most. It's the mile that tells you that you are almost there. That you have conquered what you didn't know you could. It's the mile that seems to last forever, but the mile I don't want to end. It's our last mile walking together(until next year of course). It's the mile I am most thankful for my girls who have gotten me this far. There's no way I could have done it without them. It's the mile that tells us that this walk is coming to an end and we must say goodbye. It's the mile where I am filled with hope again and realize that my will to fight is stronger then ever. It's the mile that you can't believe is already here but your body is thankful it is. It's the mile that reminds you why you started this journey and why you will never give up.

As we cross the finish line, hand in hand, every ache seems to diminish(for a very temporary time of course). It's as if your body forgets that it has just walked 60 miles in 3 days. Maybe it's your body thanking you for being done. Maybe it's the sense of accomplishment you feel. Maybe it's the love of your family numbing the pain. Maybe it's the gratefulness you have for the 2 amazing girls that got you to the finish line. Maybe it's the hope that you feel again. Whatever it may be, finishing 60 miles heals you in a way that words can not truly explain.

So as I have been recovering these past 3 weeks, I am reminded that your muscles stop hurting. Your blisters go away and your toenails grow back. But most of all I am reminded that tho this fight may be far from over, I have the hope, the will and the strength to fight it and to win.

I thank each and everyone of you who has supported me through this journey. Without your love and support, none of this would be possible!

 

                            Thank you Kim and Lori for always being there! I Love you girls!

Thank you to my amazing family! There's nothing we can't beat together! Love you!

 



20 years of Cancer.....

It's so hard to believe that it's been 20 years since I was first diagnosed with cancer. It has been one hell of a battle with many ups and downs. And to tell you the truth, I didn't know someone could get cancer as many times as I have and still be here to talk about it! Throw in a few rare cancers and a body with not many parts left and I would say it's a miracle that I am still here causing trouble!

I have spent the last few weeks thinking about my cancer journey and how it has molded me into the person I am today. It is not something I talk about a lot.  But when I realized that I would be finishing another round of treatment this month exactly 20 years after I finished my very first round of treatment, it brought a stream of emotions. It made me stop and really look at how much cancer has really taught me and what it has done for my life!

So I thought I would share what 20 years of cancer has taught me. My hope is that it will give others that strength to keep fighting even when it seems impossible. Because it is not an easy fight but it is a fight that is so worth it.

Cancer taught me......
s-
- to live my life and not cancer's.
            - I do not let cancer limit me. It may take me longer or slower to do things but that only
                gives me more time to enjoy it.
   " I'm thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn't have
    stumbled across my strength."

- to live with no regrets.
            - I am far from perfect and I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make many
               more but life is too short to live with regrets. Besides, they make for a damn good story.
" It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did
   that." than to look back and say "I wish I did that."

- to live every day as if it were my last.
             - I have been put to sleep too many times not knowing if I will wake up again to not make
               every day count. Life is a gift. Don't take it for granted.
"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love
  truly, Laugh uncontrollably,and Never regret anything that made
   you smile."

- to stop and smell the roses.
              -Life is busy and crazy and it may always be so I have to slow down and enjoy it. I don't
                want to miss a thing. Life is too precious to miss those moments that make it all worth it.
   " Enjoy the little things in life... for one day you'll look back
    and realize they were the big things."

- to laugh even when I want to cry.
             - Laughing really is the best medicine. It may not cure it all and it may even hurt (especially
               if it's right after surgery) but it will give you that glimmer of hope again.
    " Strength is when you have so much to cry for, but you choose to
    smile instead."

- what real love is.
              - Every person wants the fairytale love. The "Notebook" love! But you never really know if
                it's out there. And then you find it (even at a young age) and it grows even stronger then
                 you ever thought possible. We give new meaning to "in sickness and in health"! Love
                is never giving up!
  " So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; We're
   gonna have to work at this everyday. But I want to do that
   because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You
   and me... everyday."

- how to lean on other people.
              - Cancer is hard, it is ugly and it is scary! It will force you to become dependent on others
                 at times. Embrace that love. It is a gift to be surrounded by so many people that will
                 carry you through those hard moments.
        "I am a strong person but every now and then I need someone to
     take my hand & say everything will be alright..."

- to ask for help.
             - I would like to think I have gotten better at this but it has always been a challenge for
               me. I don't know if asking for help somehow made me feel weak but what I have learned
               is that I am not alone and that it is OK to ask for help. And even better is that people            
               actually love to help.
    " Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you
   need help, and brave enough to ask for it."

- what it really means to inspire.
             - I have listened and read hundreds of inspiring stories to get me through some of the darkest
               moments of cancer. Without them I do not know if I would have ever had the strength to tell
               my story. A story I have been honored to tell to so many in hopes that it will give others the
               hope and strength to fight on. If my story touches one person, it is all worth it to me!
   " People will forget what you said, people will forget what you
   did, but people will never forget how you make them feel."

- to complain less.
            - This is for sure a work in progress but I continue to try and not let the little things bring me
               down when there are so many more important things to use  my energy on. Again, work
               in progress. =)
         " Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about
      learning to dance in the rain."

- what true friendship is.
           - I wouldn't be here without my amazing circle of girls! Near and far, they have walked beside
             me through it all. There is a comfort I always have knowing they are always there. They love
             me for who I am and never as "cancer girl"!
 " A true friend doesn't car when you're broke, being a bitch, what
   you weigh, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your
   past, or if your family is filled with crazy people. They love
   you for who you are."
          
- to let go.
           - There are things I will never be able to change. Choices that can't be undone. Words that can
              not be taken back. Questions that will never be answered. But I can choose to dwell on them
              or I can choose to let go. And that can be difficult as hell sometimes but you can't control
              it all. So let go of what you can't control and live for today!
   " One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage
   to let go of what you can't change."

- to embrace my scars.
            -My scars are my battle wounds and they tell my story without any words. They may not be
             pretty and they may look like a tic tac toe puzzle but they make me feel strong and beautiful.
    " Never be ashamed of a scar. It simple means you were stronger
    than whatever tried to hurt you."

- that you can't celebrate enough.
           - Celebrate life! Celebrate not just the big events in life but the small ones too. Life is a gift
             that I do not take for granted and it should always be given the proper party! Take time to
             to celebrate life. I mean, I'm still here to fight another day so that's celebration enough if
             you ask me =)!!
                       " Start the day with a smile & end it with champagne."


Soooooo....... as I round another corner, I am grateful for my life. I may be a little slower, a few pounds lighter, have shorter hair, have less body parts and not be as physically strong as I once was BUT my spirit is stronger than it every has been before. My fight is far from over but it is a fight I will continue to win!

15......

"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had...and dealing with fears you didn't know existed."

Some days it just all hits you....

I got into the passenger seat of my car as Cameron got into the driver seat and all of sudden it hit me. Not only is Cameron old enough to drive (which is enough to shock you) but Cameron is also the age I was when I was first diagnosed with cancer for the first time. Talk about taking a second to catch your breath. It felt like I was going to pass out. A million things started to rush my mind so I took a deep breath, buckled my seat belt and I said a little prayer( I may have even said a little extra prayer for our safety as well).

Having a teenager makes you think back to when you yourself was a teenager. The world revolved around you or so you thought, and your biggest concern was what you were going to do on Friday night. Well and of course what you were going to wear (at least for us girls). So when you are hit with something as big as cancer at 15, you don't even know how to process it. I know I didn't. And I think I probably to this day, still struggle with how to process it all.

When I look back at that time, some of it is complete blur to me. There are things I don't remember and that's probably my mind being kind to me. While other things I can remember as if they happened just a minute ago.

One thing that stands out most to me is Fear. And fear not in me( tho I was scared shit less) but the fear I saw in those around me. The fear that they were trying to hide from me so that I would stay strong. The fear of the unknown. The fear of cancer. A fear I didn't get then because I  was more afraid and pissed  that I wasn't going to have a belly button then I was that this could kill me. Because at 15 how does one even exist without a belly button =)! How silly that is to me now but a pretty big deal to me then. And you will be happy to know that I have a belly button. It may be a little higher up and look a little different then others, but its a belly button.  =)

The fear in those around me was something I couldn't understand at the time. 20 years ago when you said the word "cancer", it was thought more as a death sentence then anything. Add having a rare form of cancer that only a few people have survived in the US and the odds quickly start fading for you. So I can completely understand the fear now. And I thank God that I couldn't understand it then because I am not sure at 15 I could handle it. I am grateful and amazed at the loved ones around me that handled it with such ease. I only hope I would have been able to do the same thing had I been in their shoes.

That time in my life prepared me for things I never saw coming or even thought possible. But I wouldn't change a thing.

So I may not fully be able to grasp the fear that so many experienced 20 years ago, I do have a fear now that I didn't fully grasp until I sat in that passenger seat. Now that's not to say I have not had fears for the last 15 years but they just became a little more real in that moment. And its a  fear that so many have. A fear that suffocates you every time your child tells you that their stomach hurts. A fear that makes you push yourself to levels you never would before. A fear that gives you nightmares. A fear that makes you STOP and really smell each and every rose along the way. A fear that makes you take nothing for granted. A fear that you must be stronger then so that it does not consume you. A fear that motivates you to fight like hell so that not only your family will never go through this again but that NO family ever will.

So I try to not live in fear everyday that my children will inherit my genes (at least not the bad ones) and I take a stomach ache as just that.... a stomach ache. And I do the only thing I know how to do. Live everyday to the fullest and to never give up hope!

"Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage....that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions."

Recovery,,,,

"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."

I will be honest with you, I was unsure if I was going to be able to blog about these past 2 weeks. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and even with a good outcome, it has been hard for me to process.

Surgery is never easy. I don't care what kind of surgery it is, big or small, it is never easy. Me being what I would call a "pro" at this point, doesn't make it any easier either. If anything, each time I go under the knife only gets harder. Harder emotionally. Harder physically. Harder recovery. I mean one body can only take so much and after this last surgery, my body is definitely telling me it has had enough.

As I prepared to have some unwanted lumps and bumps removed from my abdomen along with some mesh repair, I tried my best to get myself emotionally prepared. With a history like mine and the removal of more bad lumps then good, you have a tendency to go into something like this with a little bit of fear. Surgery itself does not scare me. But the outcome does! And not knowing what the outcome will be is extremely scary!

So many thoughts begin to go through your mind. You try to not imagine the worst but there are times you have no control over it. You begin to try and prepare yourself for a bad outcome so that it doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks. You think about how you will tell your children. What it will do to your husband. How your family and friends will deal with yet another cancer. How you will have the strength to fight again. So you do your best to hide those fears and you put on that smile and hope that saying "everything will be fine" to others will not only help them believe it but will also help yourself believe it.

Recovering from surgery is no picnic. It's painful and it doesn't help when your body is rejecting everything that you are giving it to try and help the pain. But you push through and you take it day by day. You try and not be a pain in the ass to everyone around you because it is no picnic for them either. I am sure my husband would not argue with me on that one =). It's a very slow process which is not easy but I have learned( well maybe I am still learning) that if you push it too hard, it doesn't do anyone any good.

One thing that helps recovery move a little faster (at least emotionally which I think then helps physically) is getting good news. It's almost like your heart hadn't been beating for 13 days. No blood was circulating. No healing had really begun. Then your doctor begins to say abnormal and you stop breathing. You almost begin to go deaf until you hear him say "everything is clear"! Don't you think you could have started with that!! I mean seriously! =)  So the breathing starts back up. The blood is flowing and your heart is definitely beating since it's going 900 miles an hour. The happy tears begin to form and for the first time in months you have a sense of relief.  There is nothing better then hearing "no cancer!" It's something that is never taken for granted.

So the healing has begun. And even though it will still be a few weeks until I am physically back to normal (whatever normal is), I know now that I have the strength and hope again that I feared I had lost.