" I'm Great! "

      " I am here today, and today I would rather smile than cry."

Friend- "How are you doing/feeling?"
Me- "I'm great!" (smile)

So obviously this is a question that is asked on a daily basis! As it is to everyone I am sure. It's a normal question to ask when you see someone you know. And for me the response is always the same... "I'm great!"

Now of course to say that I am doing great all the time is a very false statement but it doesn't mean that you won't get the same answer from me. And that answer isn't just for you. It is for me too.

There is a coping mechanism that comes with cancer. And it can only really be fully understood by those with cancer but I do believe that when a loved one gets cancer, in a way everyone gets cancer. So I think it is important to know that there is no rule book on how to deal with cancer and there is no right and wrong way to cope with it either. There is just the way that works for you.

I have been dealing with cancer for over 20 years and will hopefully be dealing with it for another 50. Because dealing with it means I'm still here. Once you get cancer, it follows you the rest of your life but it's a small price to pay for a life worth fighting for.

Each and every time I hear another story about someone getting cancer, it feels as if I have been punched in the stomach. It's a feeling that I can relate to but wish I couldn't but am glad I do because maybe, just maybe, I can do a little something to make that person smile.

Now when I'm asked how I am doing, I could tell you the dark side of it. I could tell you that there is not a day that I don't feel tired, or nauseous or that something doesn't hurt. I could tell you all the things I miss doing and eating. I could tell you what an emotional toll it puts on myself and my family. I could tell you how much I hate cancer and hate what it has taken from me. BUT what good is that. It's real, yes! It's the truth, yes! But just in writing those words, I feel worse. And I guarantee you don't feel any better either!

So I would rather be "Great" then any of those things... Because when I hear the words come out of my mouth, I feel better. There is an enormous amount of strength that you get by not letting cancer take over your life. Even when it's doing everything it can on the inside to destroy you, your strength and your hope is more powerful.

There are things I have learned to just deal with. They suck and can be unpleasant and not really fair if you ask me but there is nothing that is going to change that. At least not in the near future. So instead I adjust my sails and live life. I do not let anything stop me from doing what I want and what I love. I don't want to live with limitations. Now I do have to be smart about it (which I'm a little stubborn so that's not always easy) but I have not let 20 years of cancer win yet and I don't plan on letting it ever win!

So I will leave you with this.... Live life. Do not set limitations for yourself. Do what you love and be with those you love. Some times the greatest gift you can give someone is time. Time listening. Time talking. Time in silence. Time doing absolutely nothing but being present. Time just being "great".


          "Through the pain and the struggle, Yeh I still smile."