20 years of Cancer.....

It's so hard to believe that it's been 20 years since I was first diagnosed with cancer. It has been one hell of a battle with many ups and downs. And to tell you the truth, I didn't know someone could get cancer as many times as I have and still be here to talk about it! Throw in a few rare cancers and a body with not many parts left and I would say it's a miracle that I am still here causing trouble!

I have spent the last few weeks thinking about my cancer journey and how it has molded me into the person I am today. It is not something I talk about a lot.  But when I realized that I would be finishing another round of treatment this month exactly 20 years after I finished my very first round of treatment, it brought a stream of emotions. It made me stop and really look at how much cancer has really taught me and what it has done for my life!

So I thought I would share what 20 years of cancer has taught me. My hope is that it will give others that strength to keep fighting even when it seems impossible. Because it is not an easy fight but it is a fight that is so worth it.

Cancer taught me......
s-
- to live my life and not cancer's.
            - I do not let cancer limit me. It may take me longer or slower to do things but that only
                gives me more time to enjoy it.
   " I'm thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn't have
    stumbled across my strength."

- to live with no regrets.
            - I am far from perfect and I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make many
               more but life is too short to live with regrets. Besides, they make for a damn good story.
" It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did
   that." than to look back and say "I wish I did that."

- to live every day as if it were my last.
             - I have been put to sleep too many times not knowing if I will wake up again to not make
               every day count. Life is a gift. Don't take it for granted.
"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love
  truly, Laugh uncontrollably,and Never regret anything that made
   you smile."

- to stop and smell the roses.
              -Life is busy and crazy and it may always be so I have to slow down and enjoy it. I don't
                want to miss a thing. Life is too precious to miss those moments that make it all worth it.
   " Enjoy the little things in life... for one day you'll look back
    and realize they were the big things."

- to laugh even when I want to cry.
             - Laughing really is the best medicine. It may not cure it all and it may even hurt (especially
               if it's right after surgery) but it will give you that glimmer of hope again.
    " Strength is when you have so much to cry for, but you choose to
    smile instead."

- what real love is.
              - Every person wants the fairytale love. The "Notebook" love! But you never really know if
                it's out there. And then you find it (even at a young age) and it grows even stronger then
                 you ever thought possible. We give new meaning to "in sickness and in health"! Love
                is never giving up!
  " So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; We're
   gonna have to work at this everyday. But I want to do that
   because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You
   and me... everyday."

- how to lean on other people.
              - Cancer is hard, it is ugly and it is scary! It will force you to become dependent on others
                 at times. Embrace that love. It is a gift to be surrounded by so many people that will
                 carry you through those hard moments.
        "I am a strong person but every now and then I need someone to
     take my hand & say everything will be alright..."

- to ask for help.
             - I would like to think I have gotten better at this but it has always been a challenge for
               me. I don't know if asking for help somehow made me feel weak but what I have learned
               is that I am not alone and that it is OK to ask for help. And even better is that people            
               actually love to help.
    " Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you
   need help, and brave enough to ask for it."

- what it really means to inspire.
             - I have listened and read hundreds of inspiring stories to get me through some of the darkest
               moments of cancer. Without them I do not know if I would have ever had the strength to tell
               my story. A story I have been honored to tell to so many in hopes that it will give others the
               hope and strength to fight on. If my story touches one person, it is all worth it to me!
   " People will forget what you said, people will forget what you
   did, but people will never forget how you make them feel."

- to complain less.
            - This is for sure a work in progress but I continue to try and not let the little things bring me
               down when there are so many more important things to use  my energy on. Again, work
               in progress. =)
         " Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about
      learning to dance in the rain."

- what true friendship is.
           - I wouldn't be here without my amazing circle of girls! Near and far, they have walked beside
             me through it all. There is a comfort I always have knowing they are always there. They love
             me for who I am and never as "cancer girl"!
 " A true friend doesn't car when you're broke, being a bitch, what
   you weigh, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your
   past, or if your family is filled with crazy people. They love
   you for who you are."
          
- to let go.
           - There are things I will never be able to change. Choices that can't be undone. Words that can
              not be taken back. Questions that will never be answered. But I can choose to dwell on them
              or I can choose to let go. And that can be difficult as hell sometimes but you can't control
              it all. So let go of what you can't control and live for today!
   " One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage
   to let go of what you can't change."

- to embrace my scars.
            -My scars are my battle wounds and they tell my story without any words. They may not be
             pretty and they may look like a tic tac toe puzzle but they make me feel strong and beautiful.
    " Never be ashamed of a scar. It simple means you were stronger
    than whatever tried to hurt you."

- that you can't celebrate enough.
           - Celebrate life! Celebrate not just the big events in life but the small ones too. Life is a gift
             that I do not take for granted and it should always be given the proper party! Take time to
             to celebrate life. I mean, I'm still here to fight another day so that's celebration enough if
             you ask me =)!!
                       " Start the day with a smile & end it with champagne."


Soooooo....... as I round another corner, I am grateful for my life. I may be a little slower, a few pounds lighter, have shorter hair, have less body parts and not be as physically strong as I once was BUT my spirit is stronger than it every has been before. My fight is far from over but it is a fight I will continue to win!