Philadelphia 3 day....

" We walk because we must.

We are strong because the journey demands it.

Together in body and united in spirit,

we lay down our footsteps for this generation and the next.

This is our promise:

A WORLD WITHOUT BREAST CANER."

 

 

A few weeks ago I completed my 8th 3-day 60 mile walk in Philadelphia with my girls. A walk that is never easy to finish but this walk in particular was by far the hardest walk yet.

 

Several thoughts went through my head as I stood there on that cold and rainy Friday morning trying to prepare myself for the journey ahead.

      - I am not as young as I was when I did my first walk at 28...

      - My body has been through a lot in the last few years...

      - The longest walk I did to prepare for this was 8 miles and that was over a month ago...

      - I hate rain... And when I say hate, I mean HATE...

      - This walk needed to relight the fight inside me... and that's a lot of pressure...

      - And of course my biggest thought was will I be able to finish this walk... without killing

         myself that is...

 

This walk is something I look forward to every year. It is a walk that is so near and dear to my heart that I don't know where I would be had I never done one. It is a walk that has healed me in ways that no drug could ever do. It is a walk that has brought out a strength in me I didn't know I had. It is a walk that has brought friendship into my life that I would be lost without. It is a walk that has allowed me to tell my story and give others hope. It is a walk that has given me the will to fight.

 

Its hard enough to start a 60 mile walk but to know that your first 22 miles are going to be in the rain and cold, makes it just a little bit harder. And not just a little sprinkle of rain, I mean a rain that seems to get heavier every mile you take. By the end of that day, we were drenched and cold and unsure if we would be able to do another day. Now for anyone who knows us 3 girls, it would take a whole hell of a lot to get us not to walk. So for us to all be looking at each other, questioning whether or not we could go back at there again tomorrow was scary when I look back at it. Obviously as the night went on and we warmed up and our bodies slowly started to heal from the day(with the help of a quick trip to the medic tent), we knew there was no way we wouldn't be walking the next day.

 

So we did just that. We started day 2 with a light sprinkle and a little bit of rain but no one was complaining because it was 100% better then the day before. We walked 23 miles on Saturday. 23 miles that felt like 100. My body began to ask " what in the hell are you doing?" As the miles got longer and the body started to hurt a little bit more, I questioned whether or not I would be able to finish this walk. Something I do not do often. I am as stubborn as they come and I know that not being able to finish would be very hard for me. Now I totally give credit to those that come out and walk and do what they can and maybe don't walk the entire 60 miles. But for me it is something that gives me strength and reminds me that cancer will not win this fight.

 

By day 3, you are mentally and physically exhausted. Which is hard because day 3 is the day that takes the most out of you. It's the last day. You have already walked 45 miles. Your body is all done. You are wrapping and taping all parts of your body just so you can get to that finish line, 16 miles away. The weather was at least a little nicer. Some wind that could blow you right off the sidewalk but all in all a pretty nice day. Obviously by day 3 we are walking just a tad bit slower but we are walking.

 

Day 3 is always a very emotional day for me. Now I know I am tired and my body has been pushed to it's limits, but it's more then that. It is a day I reflect on all the time. I honestly went into this walk not knowing what to expect. My body was not at it's strongest. I was infused with as many vitamins as the doctors would give me the week before to get my body through this walk. My emotions were all over the place. Having been told a few weeks before the walk that another round of treatment would be in my future is not something that ever gets any easier to hear. It kind of knocks the wind out of you and your will to fight fads. And that is very scary. So the walk could not have come at a better time.

Mile 59 is my favorite mile and the mile I hate the most. It's the mile that tells you that you are almost there. That you have conquered what you didn't know you could. It's the mile that seems to last forever, but the mile I don't want to end. It's our last mile walking together(until next year of course). It's the mile I am most thankful for my girls who have gotten me this far. There's no way I could have done it without them. It's the mile that tells us that this walk is coming to an end and we must say goodbye. It's the mile where I am filled with hope again and realize that my will to fight is stronger then ever. It's the mile that you can't believe is already here but your body is thankful it is. It's the mile that reminds you why you started this journey and why you will never give up.

As we cross the finish line, hand in hand, every ache seems to diminish(for a very temporary time of course). It's as if your body forgets that it has just walked 60 miles in 3 days. Maybe it's your body thanking you for being done. Maybe it's the sense of accomplishment you feel. Maybe it's the love of your family numbing the pain. Maybe it's the gratefulness you have for the 2 amazing girls that got you to the finish line. Maybe it's the hope that you feel again. Whatever it may be, finishing 60 miles heals you in a way that words can not truly explain.

So as I have been recovering these past 3 weeks, I am reminded that your muscles stop hurting. Your blisters go away and your toenails grow back. But most of all I am reminded that tho this fight may be far from over, I have the hope, the will and the strength to fight it and to win.

I thank each and everyone of you who has supported me through this journey. Without your love and support, none of this would be possible!

 

                            Thank you Kim and Lori for always being there! I Love you girls!

Thank you to my amazing family! There's nothing we can't beat together! Love you!

 



20 years of Cancer.....

It's so hard to believe that it's been 20 years since I was first diagnosed with cancer. It has been one hell of a battle with many ups and downs. And to tell you the truth, I didn't know someone could get cancer as many times as I have and still be here to talk about it! Throw in a few rare cancers and a body with not many parts left and I would say it's a miracle that I am still here causing trouble!

I have spent the last few weeks thinking about my cancer journey and how it has molded me into the person I am today. It is not something I talk about a lot.  But when I realized that I would be finishing another round of treatment this month exactly 20 years after I finished my very first round of treatment, it brought a stream of emotions. It made me stop and really look at how much cancer has really taught me and what it has done for my life!

So I thought I would share what 20 years of cancer has taught me. My hope is that it will give others that strength to keep fighting even when it seems impossible. Because it is not an easy fight but it is a fight that is so worth it.

Cancer taught me......
s-
- to live my life and not cancer's.
            - I do not let cancer limit me. It may take me longer or slower to do things but that only
                gives me more time to enjoy it.
   " I'm thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn't have
    stumbled across my strength."

- to live with no regrets.
            - I am far from perfect and I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make many
               more but life is too short to live with regrets. Besides, they make for a damn good story.
" It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did
   that." than to look back and say "I wish I did that."

- to live every day as if it were my last.
             - I have been put to sleep too many times not knowing if I will wake up again to not make
               every day count. Life is a gift. Don't take it for granted.
"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love
  truly, Laugh uncontrollably,and Never regret anything that made
   you smile."

- to stop and smell the roses.
              -Life is busy and crazy and it may always be so I have to slow down and enjoy it. I don't
                want to miss a thing. Life is too precious to miss those moments that make it all worth it.
   " Enjoy the little things in life... for one day you'll look back
    and realize they were the big things."

- to laugh even when I want to cry.
             - Laughing really is the best medicine. It may not cure it all and it may even hurt (especially
               if it's right after surgery) but it will give you that glimmer of hope again.
    " Strength is when you have so much to cry for, but you choose to
    smile instead."

- what real love is.
              - Every person wants the fairytale love. The "Notebook" love! But you never really know if
                it's out there. And then you find it (even at a young age) and it grows even stronger then
                 you ever thought possible. We give new meaning to "in sickness and in health"! Love
                is never giving up!
  " So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; We're
   gonna have to work at this everyday. But I want to do that
   because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You
   and me... everyday."

- how to lean on other people.
              - Cancer is hard, it is ugly and it is scary! It will force you to become dependent on others
                 at times. Embrace that love. It is a gift to be surrounded by so many people that will
                 carry you through those hard moments.
        "I am a strong person but every now and then I need someone to
     take my hand & say everything will be alright..."

- to ask for help.
             - I would like to think I have gotten better at this but it has always been a challenge for
               me. I don't know if asking for help somehow made me feel weak but what I have learned
               is that I am not alone and that it is OK to ask for help. And even better is that people            
               actually love to help.
    " Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you
   need help, and brave enough to ask for it."

- what it really means to inspire.
             - I have listened and read hundreds of inspiring stories to get me through some of the darkest
               moments of cancer. Without them I do not know if I would have ever had the strength to tell
               my story. A story I have been honored to tell to so many in hopes that it will give others the
               hope and strength to fight on. If my story touches one person, it is all worth it to me!
   " People will forget what you said, people will forget what you
   did, but people will never forget how you make them feel."

- to complain less.
            - This is for sure a work in progress but I continue to try and not let the little things bring me
               down when there are so many more important things to use  my energy on. Again, work
               in progress. =)
         " Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about
      learning to dance in the rain."

- what true friendship is.
           - I wouldn't be here without my amazing circle of girls! Near and far, they have walked beside
             me through it all. There is a comfort I always have knowing they are always there. They love
             me for who I am and never as "cancer girl"!
 " A true friend doesn't car when you're broke, being a bitch, what
   you weigh, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your
   past, or if your family is filled with crazy people. They love
   you for who you are."
          
- to let go.
           - There are things I will never be able to change. Choices that can't be undone. Words that can
              not be taken back. Questions that will never be answered. But I can choose to dwell on them
              or I can choose to let go. And that can be difficult as hell sometimes but you can't control
              it all. So let go of what you can't control and live for today!
   " One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage
   to let go of what you can't change."

- to embrace my scars.
            -My scars are my battle wounds and they tell my story without any words. They may not be
             pretty and they may look like a tic tac toe puzzle but they make me feel strong and beautiful.
    " Never be ashamed of a scar. It simple means you were stronger
    than whatever tried to hurt you."

- that you can't celebrate enough.
           - Celebrate life! Celebrate not just the big events in life but the small ones too. Life is a gift
             that I do not take for granted and it should always be given the proper party! Take time to
             to celebrate life. I mean, I'm still here to fight another day so that's celebration enough if
             you ask me =)!!
                       " Start the day with a smile & end it with champagne."


Soooooo....... as I round another corner, I am grateful for my life. I may be a little slower, a few pounds lighter, have shorter hair, have less body parts and not be as physically strong as I once was BUT my spirit is stronger than it every has been before. My fight is far from over but it is a fight I will continue to win!

15......

"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had...and dealing with fears you didn't know existed."

Some days it just all hits you....

I got into the passenger seat of my car as Cameron got into the driver seat and all of sudden it hit me. Not only is Cameron old enough to drive (which is enough to shock you) but Cameron is also the age I was when I was first diagnosed with cancer for the first time. Talk about taking a second to catch your breath. It felt like I was going to pass out. A million things started to rush my mind so I took a deep breath, buckled my seat belt and I said a little prayer( I may have even said a little extra prayer for our safety as well).

Having a teenager makes you think back to when you yourself was a teenager. The world revolved around you or so you thought, and your biggest concern was what you were going to do on Friday night. Well and of course what you were going to wear (at least for us girls). So when you are hit with something as big as cancer at 15, you don't even know how to process it. I know I didn't. And I think I probably to this day, still struggle with how to process it all.

When I look back at that time, some of it is complete blur to me. There are things I don't remember and that's probably my mind being kind to me. While other things I can remember as if they happened just a minute ago.

One thing that stands out most to me is Fear. And fear not in me( tho I was scared shit less) but the fear I saw in those around me. The fear that they were trying to hide from me so that I would stay strong. The fear of the unknown. The fear of cancer. A fear I didn't get then because I  was more afraid and pissed  that I wasn't going to have a belly button then I was that this could kill me. Because at 15 how does one even exist without a belly button =)! How silly that is to me now but a pretty big deal to me then. And you will be happy to know that I have a belly button. It may be a little higher up and look a little different then others, but its a belly button.  =)

The fear in those around me was something I couldn't understand at the time. 20 years ago when you said the word "cancer", it was thought more as a death sentence then anything. Add having a rare form of cancer that only a few people have survived in the US and the odds quickly start fading for you. So I can completely understand the fear now. And I thank God that I couldn't understand it then because I am not sure at 15 I could handle it. I am grateful and amazed at the loved ones around me that handled it with such ease. I only hope I would have been able to do the same thing had I been in their shoes.

That time in my life prepared me for things I never saw coming or even thought possible. But I wouldn't change a thing.

So I may not fully be able to grasp the fear that so many experienced 20 years ago, I do have a fear now that I didn't fully grasp until I sat in that passenger seat. Now that's not to say I have not had fears for the last 15 years but they just became a little more real in that moment. And its a  fear that so many have. A fear that suffocates you every time your child tells you that their stomach hurts. A fear that makes you push yourself to levels you never would before. A fear that gives you nightmares. A fear that makes you STOP and really smell each and every rose along the way. A fear that makes you take nothing for granted. A fear that you must be stronger then so that it does not consume you. A fear that motivates you to fight like hell so that not only your family will never go through this again but that NO family ever will.

So I try to not live in fear everyday that my children will inherit my genes (at least not the bad ones) and I take a stomach ache as just that.... a stomach ache. And I do the only thing I know how to do. Live everyday to the fullest and to never give up hope!

"Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage....that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions."

Recovery,,,,

"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."

I will be honest with you, I was unsure if I was going to be able to blog about these past 2 weeks. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and even with a good outcome, it has been hard for me to process.

Surgery is never easy. I don't care what kind of surgery it is, big or small, it is never easy. Me being what I would call a "pro" at this point, doesn't make it any easier either. If anything, each time I go under the knife only gets harder. Harder emotionally. Harder physically. Harder recovery. I mean one body can only take so much and after this last surgery, my body is definitely telling me it has had enough.

As I prepared to have some unwanted lumps and bumps removed from my abdomen along with some mesh repair, I tried my best to get myself emotionally prepared. With a history like mine and the removal of more bad lumps then good, you have a tendency to go into something like this with a little bit of fear. Surgery itself does not scare me. But the outcome does! And not knowing what the outcome will be is extremely scary!

So many thoughts begin to go through your mind. You try to not imagine the worst but there are times you have no control over it. You begin to try and prepare yourself for a bad outcome so that it doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks. You think about how you will tell your children. What it will do to your husband. How your family and friends will deal with yet another cancer. How you will have the strength to fight again. So you do your best to hide those fears and you put on that smile and hope that saying "everything will be fine" to others will not only help them believe it but will also help yourself believe it.

Recovering from surgery is no picnic. It's painful and it doesn't help when your body is rejecting everything that you are giving it to try and help the pain. But you push through and you take it day by day. You try and not be a pain in the ass to everyone around you because it is no picnic for them either. I am sure my husband would not argue with me on that one =). It's a very slow process which is not easy but I have learned( well maybe I am still learning) that if you push it too hard, it doesn't do anyone any good.

One thing that helps recovery move a little faster (at least emotionally which I think then helps physically) is getting good news. It's almost like your heart hadn't been beating for 13 days. No blood was circulating. No healing had really begun. Then your doctor begins to say abnormal and you stop breathing. You almost begin to go deaf until you hear him say "everything is clear"! Don't you think you could have started with that!! I mean seriously! =)  So the breathing starts back up. The blood is flowing and your heart is definitely beating since it's going 900 miles an hour. The happy tears begin to form and for the first time in months you have a sense of relief.  There is nothing better then hearing "no cancer!" It's something that is never taken for granted.

So the healing has begun. And even though it will still be a few weeks until I am physically back to normal (whatever normal is), I know now that I have the strength and hope again that I feared I had lost.

Pinched, pulled, squeezed and drained....

"Who ever thought up the word mammogram? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone."

Every time I go in for a mammogram, I am still shocked that the medical world has not come up with a better way to check for breast cancer then squeezing your boob between two pieces of very cold plastic. But nonetheless, I go in get my checked more often then I would like.

So this past week I went in for what I thought would be an easy in and out mammogram. Not sure what my brain was thinking there because what should have been a hour long process turned into a scary 4 hour long process.

Now I will admit I always go into any kind of medical test with a little bit of a guard up. I have to. I think if I didn't, I would really be knocked on my ass every time something didn't come back right. I think any one with my history would probably do the same thing. So this mammogram was no different. I went into with my guard up but with a very positive attitude. And that lasted about 20 minutes. Whatever guard I had up, was demolished with fear yet again.

For those who have had mammograms, you know the process. A very nice, bubbly nurse will come and get you and escort you to a changing area. You undress from the bottom up and get one of those ugly, tie in front robes that feels like crappy polyester on your skin. You lock your belongings up in a locker, grab the key and off you go to the waiting room. A room filled with magazines, snacks, coffee and other women all dressed in the same color robe as you.

As I sit waiting for my name to be called, I always wonder why these other women are here. Are they here just like me, hoping that their breast cancer is not back? Are they here just for their annual routine mammo? Are they here because they found something and this test will either change their life forever or hopefully give them a sigh of relief?  Whatever the reason, there is a sensitivity and a comfort that you automatically have when you enter that room. And as you start small talk with them and you try and laugh about the whatever crazy thing the latest celebrity has done, their name is called and the only words you have left is "good luck".

One by one, everyone is called back. My name is called and off I go with my bubbly nurse to get this process started. I stand in front of a machine, half undressed, with about a million emotions going through me. I try and smile as the nurse tries to position my not so big boob into this contraption. Nothing like a good mammogram to remind that me that my boobs are even smaller then I realized.
As I go through the process on both sides, I constantly watch the nurses face. Now I am sure they are trained to not show any expression but I always try to read them and look at the images to see if I can protect myself from what they are going to tell me.

We finish both sides and the nurse steps out to look at the images to make sure she has everything she needs. I sit as patiently as I can(which we all know is not very patient) waiting for her to come back into the room. When she does, she informs me that she needs a few more images of my one side. So she does her best to once again get me in position to get her pictures. When we finish, she ask me again to sit while she looks at the images. What seems to be an hour is only a few minutes when she comes back in and lets me know that the doctor would like to get an ultrasound right away to check things out more. So the nurse escorts me back to the waiting room where an entirely new group of women are sitting there waiting. I sit down and try to smile and not worry. I remind myself that I have been down this road before and I would rather them be overly cautious then not!

I start to relax while chatting with the other women waiting when my name is called again. Off I go with a little bit more serious nurse but still very nice. We walk to the ultrasound room saying very little. She escorts me into the room and I lay down on the table where she promptly starts the exam. I will say I appreciate the person who invented the gel warmer. My hero! =) I lay there starring at her face, examining every look the best I could. I try and look at the screen as she moves all around this one spot, hoping I could see something. I have no idea what I am looking for or even what I am looking for so I just go back to trying to exam her face. She finishes and hands me a warm towel to try and wipe up all the gel that is now all over my armpit. She leaves the room to consult with the doctor. Once again, I am left laying there waiting very impatiently.

She returns, rather quickly, with a doctor. The doctor wants to take a look herself and I instantly start asking questions. She tries to give me the "do not worry until we have something to worry about" and I quickly remind her that she is obviously in here because something is not right. I ask her to just be upfront with me for I have been down this road before and waiting is worse then not knowing. So she turns the screen so that I can see and shows me a spot that is concerning to her. My eyes begin to water and I try to not let the fear take over me. She stops the exam, takes my hand and lets me know that I will not leave this office until I know what is going on. I compose myself, smile and say "what's next?" Fine Needle Aspiration. Which in English means a needle being stuck into my boob!

As she prepares to stick a needle into my breast, my stomach growls. I hadn't eaten lunch yet since I wasn't expecting to be here this long. The doctor hears my stomach growls and ask if I need something to eat before she starts. I let her know that my stomach may be growling but I am far from hungry. She tells me to take a few deep breathes and starts the procedure. It takes only a few minutes and I am band aided up and sent to the waiting room to wait! They will be able to look at the cells right there and then to let me know what to expect. So off to the waiting room I go.

I sit in the waiting area trying to not let my mind wonder. Which is pretty impossible! This is a road I have been down one to many times so I just try to brace myself for what is coming and try to smile through the fear. A new nurse comes out and escorts me to an office room with a door. I hate office rooms with doors because they only take you to those damn rooms when they want to tell you something bad! As I walk into the room, my entire face turns white as a ghost and I feel like someone has knocked the wind out of me. I take a seat and the doctor comes in to talk to me. My eyes begin to water as she starts to talk to me. At first I can not hear anything she is saying because my emotions were getting the best of me. Then she stops, takes my hand and says "Krissie are you hearing me? We found no cancer!!"

The tears continue to fall but for a completely different reason now. The tears of fear are being washed away with tears of joy! Tears I do not always get to shed but am so very grateful for! When the tears dried up, I begin to tell the doctor that in the future I would appreciate to never be put in another one of these rooms! I think I lost years off my life by the stress of this entire process. A process I will have to go through again in 6 months and hoping the outcome is the same!

I know I am not the only one who has had these types of scares! I hear the stories all the time and each time I hear them I feel that fear all over again. I am of course beyond grateful for the good news and can only hope and pray that the good news just keeps on coming.

I still have a very long road ahead of me and I don't know what the road holds but I do know that this has only given me a stronger will to fight so that good news is all I hear! I learned to never let fear take away my hope!

Scare away the dark....

"Well, sing, sing at the top of your voice,
Love without fear in your heart.
Feel, fell like you still have a choice
If we all light up we can scare away the dark" 
                                                (Passenger)

Today, for the first time in months, I took a walk outside. It was like the sun was calling my name. So I grabbed a sweatshirt, put on my gym shoes, grabbed my dogs (who were beyond excited) and my music and off we went. There was just enough of a light breeze to remind me that spring was still months away but to be patient because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's amazing what one walk outside in the fresh air can do for the mind.

I had taken some time off from blogging because I am a believer of " if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!" That's not to say that I am always very good at keeping my mouth shut but it's a lot easier to keep things to yourself when you have to write them down =)! And believe me that can even be hard. So here I am. Back and ready to fight another day!

As I was walking, I remembered that it was World Cancer Day. A day where people from all over the world unite together in the fight against cancer. It happens every year on February 4th and as I looked back at some of my older blogs, I saw that a I wrote a blog last year on this exact day. So it is only fitting that I write another one.

Over the years, I have learned that I will never be free of cancer. Even if the cancer is not in my body, it will follow me forever. It will continue to test my mind and my body. It can seem so unfair at times. I mean it's bad enough you get cancer (6 times) but it's even worse that it never really leaves.
But I have never really been a "why me" person and I don't plan on becoming one so I will take my cancers and my scars and keep on moving down the road. Whatever road that may be.

I was reminded over the last few months that when you are down emotionally, it's hard to fight anything off. It brought me back to the first time that I feel like I really learned what that felt like. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, it blindsided me. Not that you are really ever ready for cancer but this particular diagnosis hit me emotionally harder then ever before. Maybe It was because I was older. Maybe it was because this was just something else I knew would affect my kids and family. Maybe it was because I knew more now and the fear of knowing and can sometimes be worse then not knowing. Whatever it was, emotionally this hit me hard.

My body is pretty much glued together with whatever pieces are left in me. Each time it takes a little bit longer to recover but it always bounces back to it's new norm. But when I struggle emotionally that is much more scary to me then anything my body has to endure. Cut me open, take what doesn't belong and glue me back together. Just don't take my spirit while you are in there!

You never really know what the answer is when it comes to emotions. It is not always an easy fix. So as I struggled with how to heal my emotions, I decided that I should torture my body a little bit more and walk 60 miles in 3days. It was a cause close to my heart and I needed to do something. And doing something is what saved me.

Walking 60 miles in 3 days is what really healed me. And maybe it was the walking 60 miles or maybe it was 3 days with thousands of people all there for the same reason. Maybe it was that I honestly didn't think my body could do it and that when I was able to finish it was life changing. Maybe it was the people I met along the way and who have been with me every step since then. I honestly can't explain it. But what I can say is that I am forever grateful.

So today as I was taking my walk, I once again began to feel that healing. With the sun beating down on my face and a few tears rolling down my face (that I would love to blame on the wind but my conscience won't let me=)), I once again found my strength. I found the fight! I know that dark days will come again but I hope that the strength that I have gained over the last few months will help me fight on stronger then ever before.

I will leave you with one of my favorite song's lyrics. It came on today as I was taking my walk and I found it very fitting!

We should run through the forest
We should swim in the streams
We should laugh, we should cry,
We should love, we should dream
We should stare at the stars and not just at screens
You should hear what I’m saying and know what it means

 

So sing, sing at the top at your voice
Love without fear in your heart.
Can you feel, feel like you still have a choice?
If we all light up we can scare away the dark…

 

~from Passenger’s Scare Away the Dark