14yrs ago......

14yrs ago my life changed forever.

Having a child at 19 and out of wedlock was not really in my plans. But nothing is really ever in my plans that comes my way.

But the greatest miracle in life was given to me and I am grateful every day.

I would never have planned to have kids this young but I wouldn't do it any other way either!

Ryan and I were early into our relationship when we had to hurry up and grow up. Having just had major cancer surgery the month before, we could never have expected what was coming our way.
The doctors made it as clear as they could that I would never be able to have kids. Having one ovary that was dead from all the radiation and a stomach that couldn't stretch enough to carry a child made it a pretty impossible task. But impossible task are what I know best.

When I found out I was pregnant, I went through a million emotions. Happiness filled with more fear then I have ever felt before . Panicked and calm at the same time. Terrified to tell Ryan but also couldn't wait to tell him.

Once the shock of it wore off in both of us and we had to make some big decisions quick. I was living in an apartment. Ryan was supposed to leave for Africa in a month and be there for 5 months of school. Doctor appointments needed to be made. Family needed to be told. It was a whirl wind of events.

The first doctors appointment came and with it came more complication then we would imagine. With my health circumstances, it was going to be a very high risk pregnancy and the outcome was not completely in our favor. Because my stomach does not stretch, carrying a child full term would be pretty much impossible. Cameron's life as well as mine was at risk. So specialist and lots of doctors appointments  set up we began this journey.

We would not have made it through any of this without our families. I moved in with Ryans family and they took care of me while Ryan went off to Africa(another blog will have to explain that=)). We had support from both of our families which only taught us more how important family is. Not everyone thought we were making the right decision but we knew in our hearts that this was the best decision.

It didn't take long for pregnancy to start kicking my butt! Morning sickness became all day sickness. Weight gain became too much weight loss. Dehydration lands your butt in a hospital. Contractions began at 16 weeks and more medication that I knew existed was given to me to keep that little baby inside me as long as I could.

18 visits and countless nights in the hospital later, Cameron Hope Dowd was born at 29 weeks. In an emergency c-section that I was knocked out for, tiny 4 pound Cameron arrived. The tinniest baby that I had ever seen and the most beautiful baby in the world. When you have a baby that early you don't really know what to expect. He had tubes coming out of him and was in an incubator but he still was the strongest little guy. He literally fit in the palm of Ryan's hands.

I always wondered how you could love someone that much that quick. But it was instant. It was a forever bond that can't even really be explained in words. What you have lived without your entire life, you now can not live without.

We took that tiny 4lb baby home and never looked back. It seems like yesterday that I was changing diapers and trying to get him to just drink 2 ounces of milk. Now I can't keep enough food in the house to keep him fed.

Cameron has grown into a handsome young man. And even though there are days that I wish he couldn't talk or that I could strap him into a bouncy seat and plug him with a pacifier, I wouldn't change a thing. He has taught me so much about myself because we learned together and grew up together. He is me in so many ways that I don't necessarily like to admit. But I could not be more proud of the son we have raised and the young man he is growing up to be.

I hope one day he will understand it all and realize that he is a miracle. We saved each others lives!