2 Weeks!!!!!

Why do I walk 60 miles in 3 days?

                  

There really is no way to fully describe what walking the Susan G Komen 3day means to me. Unless you have walked in the shoes of the thousands of men and women who walk every year you will never fully understand. But I am going to try my best to give you that feeling.

In 2 weeks I will walk my 5th Chicago 3day Breast Cancer Walk. I will walk with men and women who have had Breast Cancer, who have lost a loved one to breast cancer or who have a loved one going through Breast Cancer right now. 

I signed up for my first 3 day walk without having any full attachment to Breast Cancer. Having had cancer before in my life made me want to do something bold and life changing. I of course realized why I signed up for this particular walk 2 months after I signed up when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 28. Being completely blindsided by this diagnosis I had no choice but to fight. 

I walked my first 3day while undergoing treatment. My doctors had learned better then to fight with me and so they allowed me to walk. And thank God they did.  Without this walk, I honestly do no believe I would be here and as strong as I am.

The walk is life changing. No amount of drugs that was being poured into my body could heal me the way that walking these 60 miles did.

You are surrounded by a special group of people. People who help you look deep inside yourself and find the strength that has always been in there but that you needed help seeing.

I got to hear stories of such strength that you wanted nothing more then to fight. I got to hear stories that made me cry and made me want to only fight harder.

I met life long friends along the way. Friends who have wiped me tears and held my hand when I had no more strength to take another step. Friends who have walked for me when I couldn't. Friends who give me a reason to never give up.

I have gotten to tell my story and touch the lives of so many. I have gotten to be an inspiration to others and give others a reason to fight. If that is my cancer gift then it has all been worth it!

I have gotten to walk through communities that embrace you as their own. I have gotten to walk through cheering stations that have brought me to tears because of their dedication and love to support all of us. I have walked by the pictures of their loved ones who have lost their battle and of those fighting.  I have heard the gratitude of those not able to walk and have looked into their eyes. You can't help but gain strength from them and hopefully leave them some of your strength as well.

I have gotten to see my own family and friends support me in this journey. Near and far I know they are all with me every step and support me through this journey.

Cancer is not fair. Cancer has taken to much from me and too much from so many. Cancer has taken friends from me that have given me so much strength along the way. But their strength will live on as I(we) walk. Cancer may take away so much but it can not take away our will to fight. Cancer may eat away at our bodies but it does not eat away at our heart or our strength.

My body may get beaten up along the way and the pain may become unbearable at times but I know that I am surrounded by more strength then I ever knew possible. I know that if I fall along the way that I am not alone. That is something that Cancer can never take away!!

This will be a long and hard 60 miles for me this year but I know that every step I take it will make a difference.

I thank all of you who have supported me and continue to. Without you I would not be here!

14yrs ago......

14yrs ago my life changed forever.

Having a child at 19 and out of wedlock was not really in my plans. But nothing is really ever in my plans that comes my way.

But the greatest miracle in life was given to me and I am grateful every day.

I would never have planned to have kids this young but I wouldn't do it any other way either!

Ryan and I were early into our relationship when we had to hurry up and grow up. Having just had major cancer surgery the month before, we could never have expected what was coming our way.
The doctors made it as clear as they could that I would never be able to have kids. Having one ovary that was dead from all the radiation and a stomach that couldn't stretch enough to carry a child made it a pretty impossible task. But impossible task are what I know best.

When I found out I was pregnant, I went through a million emotions. Happiness filled with more fear then I have ever felt before . Panicked and calm at the same time. Terrified to tell Ryan but also couldn't wait to tell him.

Once the shock of it wore off in both of us and we had to make some big decisions quick. I was living in an apartment. Ryan was supposed to leave for Africa in a month and be there for 5 months of school. Doctor appointments needed to be made. Family needed to be told. It was a whirl wind of events.

The first doctors appointment came and with it came more complication then we would imagine. With my health circumstances, it was going to be a very high risk pregnancy and the outcome was not completely in our favor. Because my stomach does not stretch, carrying a child full term would be pretty much impossible. Cameron's life as well as mine was at risk. So specialist and lots of doctors appointments  set up we began this journey.

We would not have made it through any of this without our families. I moved in with Ryans family and they took care of me while Ryan went off to Africa(another blog will have to explain that=)). We had support from both of our families which only taught us more how important family is. Not everyone thought we were making the right decision but we knew in our hearts that this was the best decision.

It didn't take long for pregnancy to start kicking my butt! Morning sickness became all day sickness. Weight gain became too much weight loss. Dehydration lands your butt in a hospital. Contractions began at 16 weeks and more medication that I knew existed was given to me to keep that little baby inside me as long as I could.

18 visits and countless nights in the hospital later, Cameron Hope Dowd was born at 29 weeks. In an emergency c-section that I was knocked out for, tiny 4 pound Cameron arrived. The tinniest baby that I had ever seen and the most beautiful baby in the world. When you have a baby that early you don't really know what to expect. He had tubes coming out of him and was in an incubator but he still was the strongest little guy. He literally fit in the palm of Ryan's hands.

I always wondered how you could love someone that much that quick. But it was instant. It was a forever bond that can't even really be explained in words. What you have lived without your entire life, you now can not live without.

We took that tiny 4lb baby home and never looked back. It seems like yesterday that I was changing diapers and trying to get him to just drink 2 ounces of milk. Now I can't keep enough food in the house to keep him fed.

Cameron has grown into a handsome young man. And even though there are days that I wish he couldn't talk or that I could strap him into a bouncy seat and plug him with a pacifier, I wouldn't change a thing. He has taught me so much about myself because we learned together and grew up together. He is me in so many ways that I don't necessarily like to admit. But I could not be more proud of the son we have raised and the young man he is growing up to be.

I hope one day he will understand it all and realize that he is a miracle. We saved each others lives!