She made broken look beautiful
and strong look invincible.
She walked with the universe on her shoulders
and make it look like a pair of
wings.
I am learning to love the broken pieces of myself. The unfixable. The permanent. The new normal. The unhealed scars. It is not an easy process, but something that is so important.
I have been pretty quiet on here. Sometimes, no news is good news. Other times, it is "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all" situation. I think it is definitely a combination of both.
This past year has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Blessing and set backs. But I am not going to complain ( at least at this moment =)), because it could definitely be worse! I am taking the broken pieces and putting them all back together. I do love a good puzzle and there has never been a puzzle I couldn't finish. Besides the time my damn dog ate the last piece of a 40000 piece puzzle. But that is definitely a story for another day! =)
I have been told more times in my life than I would like, what my limitations are and what I should and should not do. This body of mine has a mind of its own and we don't always see eye to eye. I have worked through cancer and pain for so long, that telling me new limitations it not something I recommend. But I am also learning that I don't always get a say and we all know I love a say!
Back in June I was hit with a pretty big "your fucked"! The body wasn't adjusting well to my past surgery and living in pain was just supposed to be the new normal. And while that may have taken me a bit to move past, I am fighting the "your fucked" and trying to turn that back around and say "Fuck You"! I am moving the body and doing everything I can to take the broken and glue those pieces back together.
What they don't always tell you is that the thing that saves your life is also the thing that can kill you. It can change your entire life. But I am here and so we will take the new normal. We will take the "your fucked" and make it look beautiful. Life is way to short to be held back by things you can not change. Adjusting to the new normal is not always easy but it is doable. With the help of an amazing group of family and friends, it is all possible.
What I am also learning is that it is ok to be knocked down. I have always been one to bounce back pretty quickly and I think when things take a little longer to recover from, it can throw you. There is no rule book to how long it takes you to understand, grieve, process and find your new way. One persons experience or story is never the same as someone else's. Don't judge anyone for how they deal with what life is throwing them. We all have our shit and facebook and instagram may make it seem like we are all all smiles and rainbows. But behind every smile there are scars. And we must allow ourselves that time. I always tell my friends, you can be as real as you need to be with me. You want to fake it, I am there. You want to scream it out and cry, I am there. No judgement is what we all need.
So as I put back the pieces or at least put some serious duct tape on them, I have once again decided to walk. And as always, I have Kim and an amazing group of gals beside me who continue to be there through this roller coaster of life. We will take on the streets of San Diego this November. And as I navigate upcoming doctors appointments and procedures, I know that this pink bubble I put myself in, will give me strength along the way. I am not sure how far this body will go or how many steps and miles it will be able to do, but I do know whatever I can't do, my amazing group of gals will take over.
I have never been able to get through anything over the past 28 years without you all. Your love and support is the only reason I am still here fighting and pushing. It is why I have such a passion to help others and hopefully help even one person not have to go through what I and so many have gone through. So that no one has to say goodbye. No one has to feel that pain. No one has to glue the pieces back together.
I thank you for your support. Your patience. Your love. Your dedication. Your realness.
I have no idea what is to come, but I know that even as it try's to break me, I will do it beautifully.
Thank you for your support always.
Krissie
https://www.the3day.org/site/Donation2?idb=696668379&df_id=6043&6043.donation=form1&FR_ID=2223&mfc_pref=T&PROXY_ID=8070701&PROXY_TYPE=20
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