Life is to Short to not Walk!

“Live every day as if it were going to be your last; for one day you’re sure to be right.” –Harry Morant

I have pulled the short end of the stick one to many times in my life if you ask me. But I have tried to make the best out of what I have been given. I do not know what stick I will pull next, but short or long I intend to make the best out of what I have.

Life is filled with so much happiness and joy that to many people hold onto the bad and they forget about all that goodness. I am guilty of doing it too. Sometimes it takes something so bad to make me see it that I hate that I couldn't see it before. But I do try and I do believe that everything happens for a reason. 

I believe that so much good can come from something bad if you let it. I have seen it happen and believe that that is sometimes what keeps me going on a bad day. 

I think we take for granted that the mistakes we make today can be fixed tomorrow. Life is to short to leave words unsaid and to wait for someone else to fix them. Because today is something we know we have but we can never be sure of tomorrow.

I have struggled with Cancer for half of my life. Maybe that is my gift. My gift to make every day count because I do not know what tomorrow holds but I do know what I can do today. I can fight. I can fight for me. I can fight for everyone who doesn't have a voice. I can fight the those who we have lost.

A few days ago I learned that a friend that had comforted me through my first speech at Susan G Komen lost her battle to Breast Cancer. It hits close to home not only because she was someone I admired and loved but because she was 29yrs old. I was 28 when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and it hits a little to close to home.

I took a few years off from walking the Susan G Komen 3 day but have decided that this year I will again! I have many fears as I go into this journey again.  60 miles in 3 days can do a number on your body and since my body is never up to par I fear that I will not be able to finish. And since anyone who knows me knows that I finish what I start because I am to damn stubborn to do anything but finish.
But I fear more not trying then I fear anything else. I have a support team that I hope that everyone has. And if you don't , call me and I will be your support.  I have my girls who hold my hand and wipe my tears. I have the holes in my heart of everyone who has lost this horrible battle. And I know with each step, it will not bring them back but it will fill the holes in my heart with their spirit and their fight to end this once and for all.

Being a Mom!

Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job there is!!

But before I say anything else, it is the most rewarding job there is too. There is nothing else I would rather be doing. No amount of money would take me away from being home with my kids.

Now I am  blessed in so many ways. I know to many mothers who struggle with not being able to stay home with here kids. I do not ever take that for granted. There might be days where I want to pull all my hair out and chug a bottle of wine, but at the end of the day I still always feel lucky that I am home.

I struggle many days with what I think being a good mom is. There are days I know I don't meet the good mom criteria that I have set in my head. There is only one of me and sometimes I need about 100 of me to really get it all done and really be there for each one of my kids. And still have enough left for when my husband walks in the door.

As my kids get older I feel like there are times they need me more then when they were babies. Then there are the times when I feel like they don't need me at all and I get sad because I feel like they are growing up too fast. It's  a juggling act. Having one teenager  who is turning into a young independent man and one 9 yr old who I still consider my baby girl is a hard to juggle. But of course loved the same.

I beat myself up a lot even being a stay at home mom that I don't give enough to my kids. I don't mean things or objects, I mean that I don't give them enough of myself because there is always something else going on at the same time. We always say in this house " there is never a dull moment"!

When the kids were babies I used to love when they would get sick because all they would want to do is cuddle with me all day on the couch and not leave my side. I never enjoyed the sickness part but the feeling of being needed was something that filled my heart.

Hailey just had surgery again on her leg again. This time around I am trying to look at all the good things that can come from this. The time I can have with her. The talks, the tears and even the laughs are things we will forever remember. I am trying to stretch myself as far as I can as a mom and still be there for Cameron at the same time. It's always harder when one child needs you more then the other. You don't want your other child to ever feel less important. I am trying to make sure he knows I am still here and that his needs are just as important.

As I juggle being a wife, selling our house, taking care of my health and trying to be a good mom all at the same time, I hope that at the end of the day I still take the time to reflect on how blessed and lucky I am!