"We don't know how strong you are,
until being strong is the only choice we have."
Dallas, you brought us more than we could have ever expected. Highest of highs and the lowest of lows. But, damn it, we did it!
Going into this walk, my body and health was not 100% but when is it ever, if you ask me! But this one was a little harder than others. Coming off of a not so great doctors appointment in New York, I went into this walk knowing it would challenging and emotional. I knew I may not be able to do it all but was going to try to do what I could and try and listen to my body. Which we all know is not something I do well! And as much as I needed to listen to my body, I needed to walk this walk. I asked my girls to help me get there and they did not fail! Which I knew they would have me but this weekend, they had me and my peeps in ways that I will forever be grateful!
This walk was already going to be emotional because we were doing the last walk of a dear friend. He has walked 35 walks and when I meet him in 2008, he forever changed my life. We both spoke at camp that year. Him talking about the loss of his beautiful wife and me telling my cancer fight. So us girls traveled to Dallas to share this amazing moment with him. And through the streets of Dallas and Fort Worth, we brought the laughter, the tears, the inappropriate and memories every step of the way. I am forever grateful to be able to share this walk with him.
As we reunited with all of our peeps, it was as if not time had passed. We just picked up right where we left off and the bond only grew stronger as we walked another 60 miles. We could have never expected what was going to come our way, over those 3 days but together, we held on to each other tightly and never let go.
So many people ask me why I walk and why Susan G Komen. I know everyone has their own opinion and views on what Komen is and does. And you are all allowed to have that. But this walk has always had a special place in my heart and is definitely one of the reasons I am here today. What I didn't know, was what this walk could mean even more to me and provide a strength and purpose in ways you don't understand until you are walking the walk.
I was beyond happy to see friends who also came to Dallas for the same reasons. To walk and to say goodbye to a dear friend. But what we never expected was that along those 3 days, another dear friend would lose her sister, to breast cancer, while walking. Take a moment and process that. The unimaginable. The UNFKNBLVBL happened. And we got to be there during that moment. We got to walk with a bigger purpose than ever before. We got to actively do something while the worst was happening to her and her family. The emotions ran hard to say the least. I was honored and blessed to have met this beautiful sister in San Diego and to say she had an infectious smile and strength, is putting it mildly. She walked, raised money, raised awareness while having breast cancer. THAT IS WHY WE WALK!
We walked as the sun began to rise. A mist coming down. A chill in the air but the spirits were high. We walked through neighborhoods where to many halloween directions were still up. Where the sidewalks were uneven. Where statues of animals became our friends. Where the stores had pink ribbons on their windows to show their support. Where survivors, fighters and kids came out with signs of encouragement.
We held hands. Laughed more than I have ever laughed before. Cried more than ever before. Held onto the moments we know won't last forever. We gathered together after spending the day walking together to share those moments. Cheersed each other with a few drinks ( or more than a few at times) and made sure to cheers to the ones that couldn't be with us.
We surrounded ourselves in a pink bubble where you were excepted for exactly who you are. Each of us came to this walk for different reasons, but at the end, we were all there for the same reason. We were not individuals or separate teams, we were one family. And though the goodbyes were hard, we are all still together.
I am fortunate and blessed to have this gift of cancer. Sounds fucked up, doesn't it? Well, it is what it is peeps. Having fought cancer since I was 15, I have learned a few things along the way and for me, there has to be a reason I get to not only still be here, but a reason I got cancer in the first place. And that is to help others who unfortunately hear the words " you have cancer". The worst words and they never get easier to hear. I should expect to hear "cancer" when I got to the doctor. But it never gets easier.
But, I am able to help others going through this shitty disease. And I hate to be good at this particular thing, but I have been able to help those going through cancer. I have been able to guide them in a direction. I have been able to cry and scream with them. I have been able to celebrate the successes and I have been able to help them transition to the other side. It can can a toll on the emotions and bring my own health to the surface. A health I like to bury as much as I can but is healthy to deal with. This is my purpose. My reason. My heart. And the friends I have made along the way, are life changing. Some I have lost along the way and some get I get to celebrate the milestones with. But all in my heart for sure.
So I want to take this time to thank everyone who supported me. Without you, I couldn't do this. The donations, the texts, calls and letters sent our way during this weekend, gave me the strength to keep going. Hearing from those near and far, I am forever grateful.
To my girls, I couldn't do this without you. You allow me to be me. Crazy, loud, scared, sad, happy, funny and as I am. I am forever grateful.
To my dear friend, I do not have words. So I will say " see you soon and I love and thank you!"
To my other dear friend, your strength, courage and purpose will be something I will forever hold on to. Being able to share this moment and be there for you, is something I will forever hold on to. You are stuck with us now! =)
To Kim, I can't thank you enough for continuing to do this walk with me. The moments we share and experience everyday and then to be able to do this walk with you, I am beyond grateful. I love you and thank you for always supporting me on my crazy adventures even when they aren't the smartest! San Diego, here we come.
To my family, thank you for supporting me and giving me the time I need to do this walk. And even when I come home a little sore, slower and tired, you support me and I couldn't do this without you!
Sooooooooo......... remember my peeps that we all have a reason we do things. We all have a purpose. Love each other. Live as if everyday is your last. You never know when your entire life will turn upside down. Life is too fucking short to be judge people, hate people, not reach out, not say I love you and not take the time with your peeps!
I will continue to walk... even if I can't walk it all, I will try. And I will surround myself with my people. I will continue to help in any way I can. I will continue to fight. I will continue to spread my purpose.
FUCK CANCER!
Love you all!
