"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So, love the people who treat you right
and forget about the ones who don't.
And Believe
that everything happens for a reason...
if you get a chance- take it;
if it changes your life- let it.
Nobody said that it would be easy...
They promise it would be worth it."
As 2018 comes to an end, I sit back and reflect on the many ups and downs that the year brought and I look to what 2019 has in store for us all.
Now I try and not hold onto to bad things that happen. And I do not want the bad to ever take over all the good that has happen this past year. But 2018 was a challenging year to say the least and a year that tested me in more ways than one. It is a year that pushed me to the edge and dangled me over the cliff. BUT it is also a year that showed me that I still have the strength to fight and it is a strength that can never be taken away from me.
I am beyond blessed in many ways. I have 2 beautiful children who have blossomed this past year in a way I always dreamt of for them. I have an amazing husband who amazes me every day by his dedication and strength. I have a wonderful family who has been there through thick and thin and shown me that we can do anything together. I have fantastic friends who are always allow me to be me and can make me smile even when I don't want to. I have home that is warm, welcoming and always filled with love(despite any mess that might be there too). What more can a person ask for right?!
Well, because I don't ever believe enough is enough, I want more! Now I am not talking about things you can buy at a store or a trip that can be taken. I am not talking about a bigger house or a nicer car. I am not even talking about money. What I want is more valuable and more important than all of that! I want more HOPE!
My life has not been your typical fairy tale. But who the hell loves a traditional story. I would much rather live on the edge of life(maybe not so close to the edge this year) and not have one single regret.
Cancer FUCKING SUCKS! No easy, nice or polite way to say it. There is not good kind. Cancer is Cancer and it all FUCKING sucks. It is something that every single person in some which way has dealt with. It may not be you personally, but there is no one that doesn't have someone they know and love who has not had cancer. That is something that truly breaks my heart. Having dealt with this for 20 plus years now, I wish I could wave my magic wand and have no one else in the world experience what I and those closest to me have gone through. But since that is not possible I am going to wave something else. HOPE!
There are only a handful of times that I lost hope while fighting cancer and I will tell you that losing hope was far more scarier to me then the chance of losing my life. And I am a pretty fucking positive ray of sunshine so when I lose hope I am pretty sure the world is coming to and end. So fear not, the world is not coming to and end and if you are reading this right now and are in need of a little hope, I got you! Hope is coming your way.
Life is this incredible journey. It will take you on your highest high and it will take you to the lowest of lows. But it is so worth it. I believe in order to get to the high points in life, you have to go through some hard shit. Now do I think maybe we could stop adding tally marks to the cancer card I am carrying but I am not complaining. Because I am here. And my struggles, my cancers, have brought me to a place where I want every single person to get to. A place where there is always hope.
I promise you, it is going to seem impossible at times. It is going to feel like it doesn't even matter if you have hope or you don't. But I promise you, it is so worth it. There will be days that feel like you can't go on any further. But there is hope that tomorrow will be better. There will be days that you cry yourself to sleep. But there is hope that tomorrow will bring less tears and more smiles. There will be days that you lose hope. But if there is anything I have learned in this life, it is that hope never leaves and hope is always there.
I see hope in my children's eyes. I see hope in a sick friend. I see hope in m husbands passion. I see hope in the mirror. AND I SEE HOPE IN YOU!
Make 2019 the year that we spread HOPE because if you ask me, this world could use a lot more of it.
Thank you to each and every one of you that has helped me get to this day. I would not only not be alive today but I would also not be the person I am today without each and every one of you.
Love you all and remember to smile today!
