"Sometimes you get choose your battles and sometimes they choose you"

October 1 is here already! I can't believe how fast time is going but there's no stopping it so here I am welcoming you into Breast Cancer Awareness month! The month of pink which we all know is my favorite color so you may be seeing me in it more then normal. If that's possible!

Breast Cancer awareness month always hits me with different emotions. Not to say that every other month doesn't bring me some wave of emotion but this month is near and dear to my heart. Having had breast cancer changes you. Having had cancer 6 times changes. Shit having cancer changes you! Having someone you love get cancer changes you. I could go on and on but I won't because I am pretty sure you get the point. 

Cancer for me comes in waves. Waves of emotions. There are days I think I can conquer the world and smile the entire time while doing it and there are other days that if you asked me to smile I might punch you in the face. Not literally but my eyes do do a pretty hard punch, just ask Ryan =)!

I think waves of emotions are pretty normal. You can't ask someone to be on all the time and when you are dealing with something like cancer, there is no right or wrong way to deal.

I recently found a new doctor who I have put an enormous amount of pressure on to fix me and make me as healthy as I possibly can be. The first time I met with him and he began looking over my medical records and talking with me, he just stopped, looked up at me and said " your lucky your here!" I smiled and nodded my head and said back to him "Yes I am, now get me to 100!" A few smiles and a laugh and it was time to get down to business. Appointments like this are never easy. They are filled with a lot of emotions and I am always thrown more information then my brain or heart can handle but I know they are worth it. In the end, the consensus was that we I will be monitored closely and that I'm good until I'm not! But aren't we all.

It always takes me awhile to process appointments like this. Sometimes the waves come crashing in like a hurricane and other times they come in and sooth me. You have to take life as it comes. Every day is a gift. Life can be pretty fucked up sometimes but that doesn't mean we don't hold onto hope. Without it, there is nothing.

Now I think that every month we should be aware of cancer and raising awareness but this month I encourage you to wear a little extra pink. And when you wear it, remember that life is worth fighting for. Remember you are stronger then the fight. Remember that we may not get to choose our battles but that cancer is a battle we will win! Remember to take the waves as they come and ride them!